The Boredom Of Life...

And today it became so noticeable. The boredom of life just existing. No point to anything. No meaning. No dreams. No goals. Just nothing. All of those things which have sustained me throughout my entire life through thick and thin, good and bad, destitution and prosperity, everything that life had been to me for 60 years on this planet. Always there were my dreams and hopes and goals in life. And out of them I always found a path. A way to climb back up and out of the hole, the trap, the quagmire. But as it is now the overwhelming burden I'm weighed down with had destroyed those dreams. The realization that time is not on my side anymore. No, time had become an enemy of sorts. It's working against me. It means patience is a negative force in my life now. I can't afford to be patient. It just eats up time. Before, I always knew that something would come my way. A break was always in my tomorrows. Just hang on and the opportunity will always show up. Usually a couple of them do that I could pick and choose which one suited me and follow that path. But as those great opportunities got fewer and fewer and the last one was getting the job last December with it getting quashed by an evil bitch who was trying to hide her immoral deeds I find that the toll was taken on my psyche and it has left me buried in boredom. I'm now trying to stay alive scraping for pennies to get food, gas, a cold drink, a can of dog food, a tube of denture adhesive. The bare essentials that I need and I'm coming up short everyday. Starting each morning deeper in the hole while facing the world with anger and disdain.

Now everyday is just a day I have to get through to the night and the night is just find somewhere I can hang until I sleep. Then wake up in the morning and do it all again. So isn't it wonderful that I was able to pull myself out of the big abyss and was set to start the year with dreams and goals and hope and expectations beginning to bear fruit only to have a sleazy, low life, slut destroy it all when she is the one who broke laws, commandments, vows, promises, intentions, etc. And she's the one responsible for teaching, guiding and protecting a young life and instilling morals and integrity in that life and shaping him for the future to influence the world her lives in while, hopefully, making it better. And if he grows up to be another one of her won't that be special? All of this accomplished with the help of a legal system that should be locked up as well. I don't think it can get better because it had been getting worse all along and shows no sign of correcting itself. So on and on we go with boredom leading the way. One day it will get to the point where anarchy will rule and then maybe there will be some excitement to bring back hope. One can only dream...