Gonna Be Trouble...

I don't know why but I sense there is going to be a major confusion soon and I sure would rather it was avoided. But I know that there is little chance of that taking place. So prepare for the storm.

I wonder if it will take place at the Capital Christian Center. A show down with God would be a nice fix. But it would probably get real ugly real fast.

Our maybe it will be on the road. Our it could be at a meeting. Or at the store. Or maybe it will be right I her front yard. The possibilities are many and the outcome is sure to be controversial.

So I won't give it any more thought. Just play it by ear. All I can do...

All Things Aside...

I don't care anymore how correct my assessments may be our whether that bitch had stopped get drinking or drug use. The fact is out isn't her substance abuse that flaws her character. It is the substance of her character - or lack thereof - that flaws her person. She lied and continues to do so. She caused great harm to innocent people because of her lies and chicken shit actions and abuse of the system. And she had made absolutely no effort to correct those wrongs. She proves work that alone that she isn't working a12 step anything. She puts on a front that nobody believes and thinks she is fooling everyone. But everyone knows she's a fake and she can't be trusted in any way. She has nobody on her side out in her corner except a child molester drunk who's as big a phony as her. Maybe a surprise should await them when they show up at church. Expose the liars in front of the congregation and let them try to lie out of that. On the spot and forced to confess all, holding back nothing. Pictures, video, text messages, hotel records, everything put out there for the entire assembly of Christians to know what they are. And it's not that they committed multiple sins but that they continue while lying to everyone. Go and sin no more, Jesus said. But continue and be lost forever. Jesus doesn't return to save anyone but to judge and remove the liars from among the righteous. Could make for an interesting sermon in action v some Sunday soon. Maybe they could serve lunch to the children. Or more likely there will be a barbeque and add they burn at the stake marshmallows could be toasted and some Jiffy Pop could get shaken over the flames. I just want to know that there will be much pain and suffering and screams as it happens. After all. It's not like it would be a "human" sacrifice...

In All Honesty..

To be totally honest about my state of mind and the angst I am dealing with I can't help but feeling that a lot of the turmoil is due to the fact that there are residual feelings that keep eating away at me. It's not that I'm still blinded by some idiotic live for her because I've come to know that she is not a good person by any means. In fact, she is one of the most evil creatures I've ever encountered. It had to do with her incessant lies and total void of honesty. Everything she does is a front for her real agenda. She doesn't go to AA to stop drinking but to cover for her drunk escapades that became public. She doesn't go to church because she believes I'm God and wants His salvation. It's to cover for her great sins and continued dalliances. She talks tough on drug abuse and will admit to a relapse but the fact is she never quite just got better at hiding it. She'll jump on the family first thing but the only thing she puts first in family is that they are the first ones she'll burn. She's sure that family and unconditional live will always forgive her. But maybe she sees now that that may not be true. I know its not true on her end.

But for some reason there was someone special inside her at times that I was sure was the real her. Apparently I was way wrong. As it stands it appears that that was her greatest lie. Not one bit of it was true. But she had been building these facades for so long that she has become a matter at deceit. Maybe she even deceives herself sometimes.

So I'm stuck in this mire of rubbish that is my life and know that the most blame is hers for the easy she did things and the magnitude of the assault. Blown easy out of proportion all in an effort to preserve her evil agenda and continue to manipulate and malign to achieve her warped goals add she likes down at everyone like from a place she doesn't belong. Perched on a pedestal instead of cashed like a banshee and kept a safe distance from the human race.

Yet it always concludes with the same feelings in my gut that are hated and remorse, anger and frustration and a sad empty feeling left in me because I'm still amazed that there are people in the world that are truly sociopaths that should be locked up to keep the rest of us from having to suffer from the wrongs they commit on us. In a perfect world she would be tarred and feathered and stoned to death while Moses beats her with his stick/serpent and the angels would sing "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead". Is it Kansas yet? Where's Dorothy when you need her?

No Way To Forget...

I hate that this mess she had perpetuated is still hanging on me and won't let me go. I hate that it has left me full of hatred and resentment. It's one thing that she was jerking me around all the time and never meant a word she said and definitely never cared one iota about me in any way, shape or form. It's that she pulled this fucking stunt to end it by getting the RO and then baiting me with her phone calls then calling the DA. And hacking my Google account and turning in text messages from a phone number she controlled and constantly shut off on me. Not to mention the fact that she was fucking the child molester all along. And had the nerve to sucker his wife into her lie about me. That shows her evil and also the poor excuse of a human being his wife is. So spun on alcohol and pain pills she didn't know what she was doing. And where were the pain pills coming from? The Chester! The drug dogs could sniff out his stash and haul his ass to jail. But that would require the cops to actually investigate something. They would rather harass the homeless or manufacture crimes to pin on someone. Bunch of crap. Why believe the old adage that good always wins in the end. It doesn't. It keeps getting stomped asking the way and can't survive to the end. So Fuck the bastards. I hate them, too...

It's Just Evil...

I am forever reminded that the things she did and continues to do are just plain evil. Her marriage is a sham that she claims is a "paper only" marriage and that she got married to make it look like she had a stable home to get custody of her grandson. And that she married him "so her daughter wouldn't win" and her jealousy of her daughter is so obvious when they are together.

And she has no respect for anyone yet thinks she should be respected above all others. But everything she does makes respecting her impossible. She demands to be the center of attention while putting everyone down as unworthy of hers. She wants to be the big shot who can do whatever she wants and with impunity.

She doesn't hesitate to tell a total lie and do it as she claims to have decided to follow Jesus. And goes to church and feels no shame for the lifestyle she leads completely opposite to what Jesus taught. Thinks she is morally superior to anyone and everyone and looks down her nose at the world as if she has been successful at life when, in fact, she had used everyone to get where she is. And where she is is still a long way from the top of anything. Not to mention she had to look over her shoulder constantly and worry about the consequences of her actions catching up to her.

I am so angry that she had so far gotten away with what she did to me that I'm ready to go postal at times. She needs to be held accountable for her lies and foul actions and loose everything. And have everyone turn their backs on her like she has done to anyone who tried to help her. Find herself all alone with nothing and see if she can climb out of her mess. As she ages and can't just rely on laying on her back to get by. Make up can only soften the ugliness she exudes.

She's nothing but a parasite and her lies become apparent soon. And when she loses her meal ticket she'll have to support herself. And that won't be easy on disability. After she realizes that the world sees her much different than she thinks and that there is nobody left to lie to I'm thinking it will be too late and she'll just have to rot away behind a dumpster. How fitting that would be...

Another Day In Hell...

Just another day in hell because of the evil bitch who should burn there. I've had it with her getting away with her lies and fucking twisted head games. I wait no more. It's time to be pro active and vent my anger and avenge the fucking bitch. I don't care what it takes or what the cost. Having this eat me up inside all the time has destroyed me. It's time to do the destroying. All of her fears are about to be realized. Worry about every sound you hear. Keep looking over your shoulder. Is that a target on your back? I think it is. Live in fear. I'd rather live in fear than live like I am. But I don't have that option. Neither do you...

Return Of The Slut...

It sure was pleasant not having her around for a couple of weeks. No showing up all the time wherever I was and playing the drama bullshit. "Oh I'm d do scared!" "I have to protect you child, I'll hold on to you!" Fucking lying slut...

Ohio must have been so happy to see your slut ass. The family with open arms. Or was it arms loaded and finger on the trigger? How'd the crack work? And how bout them 12 Steps? Sure takes a while when you stumble in the first one again and again. Couldn't help when your next buddy is a bigger alcoholic than you are. But child molesters are always great to boost your status in the community.

Still working that disability scam milking the surgery for every last Norco on the planet. My sponsor okayed them. And, besides, I say I'm going to a meeting. Just not an AA meeting. It's a Motel 6 meeting. Gotta break my vows someone. Damned paper marriage. Almost got rid of him last year but he got to Kaiser too soon and they almost busted me. Thought he'd be dead when I got back but her wasn't.

Sure hope I can get Cal to sell this house. But I sucked so much out of it playing big shot last year I have to steal to keep up now. Might have to do the Sears thing again for some flat screens and laptops. Or just go for the quick buck blow job and steal the wallets. No problem there. Real easy, just like me...l

Brains Not Requird...

Just watched another display of arrogant stupidity by the sheriff. Some commotion across the street on Rite Aide's parking lot. A couple of guys running toward 24 Hour Fitness leaving 2 girls and a guy there. Soon 6 sheriff and 2 CHP fly up with lights flashing. Everyone, including people from all sides of the intersection keep telling them the guys ran that way, pointing at 24 Hour Fitness. They are more determined to subdue the three there. Then a couple of Fire Dept. vehicles join the crowd. We now have circus. Nobody ever goes after the 2 that started the skirmish but they got to wrestle the guy to the ground and harass the girls. 30 minutes of stupidity and they haven't done s thing to catch the criminals. But they've detained 3 innocent people. This is how they make the streets a danger environment. I'm feeling do much security...

Fucking Great Labor Day...

What a great weekend this Labor Day was. Almost as wonderful add last year in Medford, Oregon jail. A piece of shit heroin junkie steals my wallet out of my van so now I have no ID, EBT, MediCal, pay add you go credits cards, or anything else that was in my wallet. Now I must spend the week getting to the DMV, Health and Human Services, contacting Social Security fit a replacement card, etc. Any money I'll get paid for painting the duplex and what I'll earn fixing the cement at 7-11 will get burned up in gas and reissue fees. Fucking bag whores cost way too much and returns are on the negative side.  Time for harsh population control methods to be instituted.

Anger That Cancels Hopes...

...And Harbors Hatred Instead

One early on I remember thoughts that she would truthfully conquer her addictions and become a better person over time. I guess a year is not  sufficient. The person only got worse. And as I have to deal with more lying woman doing more vile shit I just see there's no use in putting your kindness in risk. Cynicism it's called. Age and life experience temper it. It just happens...

It Does Not Get Better..

Great! In an increasingly descending fall it does get worse. I let a blonde rag muffin put her phone on the charger in the van as I sat in Lee's truck along side it. She left and returned and I told her where it was and she wanted to make a text on it. I thought she'd grab it and I use it. She leaned on the seat and used it. After too long for me I told her I needed in the door. She leaned back and pulled her purse from in front of her on the seat. Then walked off saying she'd be right back to get her phone. I noticed my wallet was gone from the motor cover. I tried to find her but soon she was back for the phone. I confronted her on the spot and she denied out, of course. Next, she asked if I considered her that stupid. I looked at her bright blonde hair and remarked, shaking my head add I just went, "Duhhh..." Like that was a MENSA burn conclusion.

She then let mgr know that the phone wasn't hers and the owner would come get it. She tried some more to get the phone so I just waited. Eventually a large black pissed off dude pulls up in his blazing red Bronco and got our. I was in 7-11 and went out to deal with this. He's mad and wants his phone, I get that, and I just told him I just want my wallet back. Something she forgot was the real issue that directed her to call him. She soon blasted off across the parking lot and the dude, after stating her believed me and added she had taken a phone a couple of weeks ago and he never saw it again. Anyway, he called the sheriff - her says - but they never showed up. Probably my first choice anyway. My wallet is stashed somewhere in a garbage, dumpster or bush. How can I not rage out? Population control had a bad rep. It's not right...

Oh Boy It's Saturday...

Saturday again and time to do nothing. At least during the week you can get something accomplished. Of course when the major task is dealing with the Public Defender getting something accomplished is a long, drawn out process. And usually not very successful. But I'm persistent and I have a lot more time on my hands right now whether I want it or not so I just have to obsess with it.

A Call To APS, One To CPS, The DA...

A Call To APS, CPS and the DA all went much better this time. I think God is finally making shit happen to the Crack Whore. Let's pay she loses everything. She already list her soul now when she loses her grandson, her meal ticket divorces her and charges for perjury, obstruction of justice, filing false police reports, lying under oath, etc. It's all starting to take shape. And nobody wants her. Except maybe the child molester. He deserves such a fate. And when he states beating her and pimp her out it will be like old times. Oh, gotta call Social Security to report fraud. And River City School District. Shit will hit the fan. Just think of all the money she'll be taking in with those blow jobs she's always bragging about. She'll be the new STD Poster Girl! That's a mouth full...

Finally Something...

A small thing today to feel positive about. I got to work for almost an hour servicing the AC at 7 Eleven. All it took was to clean the coils inside the roof mount unit because the filters hadn't been replaced....well, they had never been replaced! And they had fallen out of their holders and one holder had fallen out with them. Brushed the coils off and viola, site moved over the coils again and heat was exchanged, the compressor quit overheating which resulted in the system shutting down and the temperature going up in the store. Anyway, at least I can eat dinner. Not as exciting as smoking crack in Ohio but not everyone can be a bag ho...

It Will Never End...

There is no end to my anger. It will continue to eat me up because the only way it will ever be quenched is if this mess gets removed from my life. And since the lying piece of trash that caused it will never tell the truth and this system is so fucked up it will never right the wrong I will hate them all for time and all eternity. That's the way it is and that's the way it stays. I have nothing to apologize for. I am the victim. I am the one who should have seen her going to jail. Or more satisfying would to see her get in a huge car wreck and end up in the hospital first and then arrested and locked up for at least a year. And she should be shamed out of church for hiding her self behind a vale of righteousness when she continues her evil. That is the way I feel and nobody could change my mind on any of it. At least my feelings are honest. That's more than I can say for her...

And The Prick Drives By...

Three times in 10-minutes the fucking prick sheriff in the SUV had driven by me. The little pud that thinks he knows it all and who shoved me around and told me to write about him in this blog. If I knew the little cock sucker's name I'd use it. Officer I'm Really A Female On The Rag. The one that knows the least but thinks he's the smartest. Fuck You! Your why I hate the sheriff, too. Your the epitome of the Nazi Cops who can't figure out the real crime. Like perjury, obstruction of justice, false police reports, wasting resources, scarred to go after dangerous criminals.

September 3, 2014...

On September 3, 2014 I was on a Greyhound bus I had boarded in Medford, Oregon returning to Sacramento with my face still healing from the attack that came from a spun out drunk who had asked me to drive her to pick up a puppy from her son. I knew she was getting out there and she did to even claiming that she was stopping her substance abuse. And when I got back she texted me saying she was glad I got back okay. The next night she asked me to go to Safeway with her, which I did, where she apologized for what she had done and was as sweet as could be and even made plans to meet the next night, Friday, like we did most nights. And as we said goodnight that Thursday evening it would be the last time she would act anything nice or honest. Even though she spoke to me on her birthday in Safeway parking lot, called me from Kaiser to come visit her after her surgery and then called me to meet her at Penny's in Arden Fair on Thanksgiving Day where she played a video on her phone for me and acted as sweet as could be - though I suspect she was high on her pain pills then add she was even higher in post surgery. And she still sent me messages and occasionally called and at the same time she called the sheriff and complained to the DA. Yet it was me who ended up in jail numerous times and accused of being violent toward her, which I never was. Her lies and drama caused such a mess that I will never get it off of my back. This from someone I thought was special. And actually it was her who was violent and threatening and dangerous. All things she had been in her past and actually bragged about over the year we were together. A year she spent isolating me and hovering over me monitoring my phone calls and text messages, demanding my total attention and dominating my life. Yet she will claim not to remember or that it was because of her relapse or some other excuse. Whatever weak ass excuse she uses it doesn't change the fact that she fucked up my life with her lies and it's time she paid the price for her evil ways. And she will, one way or another, she will...