To be this stuck in a depression is such a waste. It becomes a major task just to clean up for the day. And trying to sit in the shade somewhere is out of the question because, heaven forbid, your loitering. So what to do? Drive around aimlessly and run out my gas? It's a waste of life anymore. Try to stay positive but that lasts about 5 minutes. And then what returns to haunt me? The memory of why it's as bad as it gets at the time. But don't dwell on it! Right. That will happen. Try to get something accomplished that needs to be done and you get interrupted do many times you just give up. There's l little, if any, inspiration inside so motivation is an abstract concept. Just can't get motivated to get beat down more. So here it is now. Such a rewarding life I have now. Having my accomplishments torn from me for no reason and not being able to get the judge to see how wrong it all is makes for a real happy day. Being stuck with the worthless Public Offender really is a blessing now, isn't it? Can't even get a call back. That's what I call useless.
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