KimIIt's not that I want to dwell on the subject so much as it haunts me. If live to just let go of it but it won't let go of me. Sometimes spent over a year setting this mess up and nurturing it all. Manipulating everything all the time. Saying one thing to me, remember it always had top be a secret, and telling the world a completely different story. And if ever I would question the didn't version it was always the excuse that she had to keep it secret. I know in the beginning I saw through it and kept trying to keep myself detached. But over time I became too attached. All the time there were stupid arguments usually by text or IM started when I would be accused of saying, doing, seeing someone, calling them, texting them (she monitored every call and text I made via the T-mobile account web site) and would see a number and draw the wrong conclusions. She'd always say she was outside smoking a cig and saw me do or be with someone (someone other than the"spirits" that surrounded me on my property!) Or she heard me talking to someone. She had a listening device like a pocket radio with an earphone that magnified sound. Something I had found that I showed her and she decided it was hers. Anyway, I was always defending myself and she'd play it off that she was just toying with me. All I'm trying to say is after over a year of this shit I was pretty worn down. And it was my fault for getting that involved but it just happened and before I knew it I was stuck. I remember all the times she would go off on me, kick me out of the garage, scream at me for no reason, become suspicious of something for no reason and all out attack me for it one minute and then 5 minutes later act like nothing had happened. It all took a toll on me and every time I would recover from it she would blind side me and I'd get tossed back in the hole only a little deeper each time. And each time I'd see a little more how she felt a lot less for me than she had me believing. So now I'm just stuck with this emptiness inside that I can't seem to discard because the effects of this drama have had a profound influence on everything I do from here on out. I know that this mess will make it nearly impossible to find a job. I know I'll never ever work in a retirement home again, which is what I did for a lot of years and was trying to get back to doing. I was getting all the problems taken care of do I could work in one but now I have a felony on my record of the type not allowed by the Department of Justice through the Live Scan fingerprinting process required to work in retirement homes. I am going to do my best to get this thing expunged or whatever it is I can do but that will take time I don't have. I should be getting set to retire not start a new career. So please forgive me for being so cynical and negative. But seeing a blessing through the fire of hell just ain't happening...
And Jesus says to forgive those who wrong you and I did many times this year. But after enough times that she keeps attacking again and with some contrived attitude that has absolutely no basis I can't help but despise her and that is a sad way to end.
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