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Monday, April 14, 2014

Been A While Off Dial...

April 14, 2014
A Long While

I havent been able to post and I wasbin a rut. Positive thoughts have to dominate now because the negative is just a drain of energy. At less than a week from the final fifty, old 59 and that's positively negative b enough for me. So make it positive or ground out. Only positive need ap9ly. We reserve the right to refuse service to those thatdont have no shirt on, no shoes upon their frigging feet. Ahd hey, leave the skateboard outside...

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

I am so mad now I dont care about anything

I had reached a wonderful point in my healing over th we aounds left by the r otten codd enforcement bastards tha5 stole my future from me. And then along comes the cunt of the year officef lawerence I believe was her name. Now im so ducking pissed I cant say what I will do with any certainty. she rolls up on my moforhome last thursday and has it towed. Yes I needed to getthd registrTion paid up and gst it movedto a new location. All under way. But she comes off with the attitude that could only earn her the dubious honors of CUNT OF ALL CUNTS my apologies to all women everywhere for my out burst and use of the c word Even officer L. But all that effort just got tossed out b3cause of attitude. Mine and hers. I reacted in the wrong. Yes I did. I should hav3 handl3r 7t alldiff3rent hut I didnt. I let h34 attitude dictate min3 and it cost me 5 days in jail and untold ammounts of money I fdontbhave. She hauled mebto jail and I was stuck there for fivebrotten days. My bad. Real stupid of me. Yes I ag r ee. Ajd that is my ajger out of control. Im stuck in a bigger hole now and I dont have it left in me to try harder. Im spent. I really have nothi b g to try for. My life is whst I made of it and it eont get much better because I dont have it in me to try any mm ore. There is not b enough left in mge now. I give up.nthe onlhy thijg I care about is mhy vengancevfor what I know was wrongfully done to me. The code enforcement ass holes who were only doing their job. Likte hell.mthey were bastards. They ran over me and got away with it. Ill be happy if I know they get fucked over and nowbthats the b3st I can hooe for
 Sorry to let those who believed in me down. But I. Dont care tongetbup b and make anyoneproud of me.ni dontneed to. I have to live with
Jmyself. Me and only me. Sobto hell b with anyone else. Im done trying. Ivwill just do what Ineed to get through today. If I do maybe I will try tomorrow. Maybe not. If im lucky ill get hit by a pla MN e that crashes or space debris whatever. What fu c king ever. Doesnt mean shit anyway. And ivwill hope some day the opportunity comes my way to shit in the face of the code nazis. Yes munoz and chamberlainthey should have never gotten b away b withtheir lies. They did and  I just wantbthem b to suffer. Ibonly hope I get the chance to inflict a little pain. Let it eat me up. Let it destroy me. It already has. So fuck all you piles of shit. It b aint how you fall or how you get up. Nonenof that. Itsvthe damage you get to spread while yoyr still b alive. Because too many cause too much damage so its better to spread it far and wide. Share the fucking misery. Include everyone. Fjuck you all fuck you very much. Fucknyou fuck tyou fuck you fuck you fuck you

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Time runs out...

February 18, 2014


But You Never Run Out Of Time...


Is it ever really too late? Is it even possible to run out of time Down to the last minute, but there's still one more minute. And in a minute there will be one more last minute. The last minute ago there was another minute to go l know because I saw another minute go by and then I took a minute to go past that minute only to find that minute had already passed a minute ago. But no sooner than a minute or two past 3:00 I found the time right to take a minute to pray for just what I needed, which would be another minute to get ready for one last minute to slip away...

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Time apart...

February 16, 2014


A Part In Time...


Oh how the time apart can mix you up so much. You miss them so much you can cry. But it's true time away makes the heart grow fonder...



Thursday, February 13, 2014

Another day closer to the end...

February 13, 2014


Another Day Away From The Beginning...


Each passing day moves me closer to where i'll be and farther from where it all started. But the grand way it felt can never be equaled and the memory of it will be forever cherished. I was lucky to have experienced a second time what mostly is a once-in-a-lifetime event. It made me feel young again, alive and omnipotent. My worries were no more. I was invincible. Nothing could stop me - nothing! And it would last a lifetime...

Everybody knows it doesn't. Everybody knows. And it didn't. It couldn't. It shouldn't. We wouldn't. But the cloud that surrounds you and fills everything in passion soon lifts gently up, up and away. All of the world looks different and vaguely familiar some how. Yet you now seem like a stranger coming in from the cold, in from "outside", into the place that is real or at least real in a dream.

As the cloud dissipates and the view becomes clear you see the people seem different. And the one you had fallen for acts like your flawed and broken and could never bring her happiness or fulfill all of her worldly needs. And you feel inferior and rejected, not worthy to approach her and never could you ever be the man of her dreams. So now you take with you the memory of the dream that came true. At least as true as the dream that you dream...

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

And meanwhile back in reality...

February 11, 2014

A Dead Dream Drips Dung...


When the dream was in it's sweet spot nothing else mattered and nothing could be wrong, go wrong or alter wrong. But as the dream rots away and the decay begins to smell the surreal view becomes clouded and milky. It never was all that rosy but it was much better than the view through gaseous toxins and organic decay. To look at it now, the dream is ugly, macabre.  The beauty wasn't anything seen but something felt like the rays of sunshine on a cold winter morning.

But dead it is and not a chance for life again. No miracle could begin here or end either. So as it rots I think I'll turn and walk away. Don't want to see it, hear it, touch it, smell it or be with it. Because that dream is a nightmare and I've lived enough of those to know they end tragically. So I'll stay away...