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Thursday, September 18, 2014

There must be a lot of anger and hatred...

For Evil To Find Its Way...

September 18, 2014
 
I see a photo taken by someone else and the clues I'm supposed to see and the smirk on the face indicating that cruel piece of you has got a bigger grip on. The bra, the hotel, the smirk.


You can make love to someone and tell them how much you love them, make them feel like life's all good to flipping out and doing what you did to claiming I went bonkers and I'm a danger to you and your family, you hate me, won't talk, act like I am guilty of some heinous crime and try to block us from ever seeing each other again. You have lied and all to hide the fact that you were doing your "friends" husband because I saw what I saw more than once and you knew I'd catch you one day so you got the RO to prevent that. But as I tell every detail including what and where and most times when it all becomes the show.

And if you had any class you sure wouldn't have pulled your bull shit. But its nice to know you think so highly of Lori to do this to her. And I wanted forever when really it was never. I could never trust you again. I will never believe anyone. I think I like never seeing you again. The truth is a lot more clear out here. The saddest part is you never would even deny. Its all about deceiving people. Only thing is the onlookers aren't blinded by emotions. And I'm wishing I were looking on and not looking back. Its sad when a dream dies. Its evil to stab it and kick it and spit on it with hate. But then to gloat and act like that. Maybe you weren't worth the try. I only thought you'd be more than  a lie.

The heartbreaker is you are all over the place lately. How you went from knowing jerk is an abuser and controller to being willing to get what happened in your previous marriages all over again is a big switch. This personality is ugly, grotesque. Wouldn't want to spend 5 minutes with her. The old you was who I spent time with. And she's gone. Never see her again. Just like the new you. 

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

How do you say I Love You...

And Then I Never Want To See You Again...

September 17, 2014
 
 
First, I'm sorry about the lawn mower. I forgot I left it in the back yard on Morse the day before the we went to Oregon. Remember that trip? You were telling me how much you really loved me and how ... well, you remember. The trip ended when we went to jail because you attacked me and socked me up pretty good. But then at Safeway a week later you asked what happened to my eye. And said you didn't remember doing that. And didn't remember the drive up. Or a lot of things. But you remember getting out of jail and leaving me in Medford. And tossing my clothes and keys and flashlight and..;.. Whatever!
 
I just can't understand how you could not remember telling someone you loved them. Or how happy you were with them. Or a lot of things. But you remember throwing things out. I just don't get it. And won't even come talk to me. Give me an explanation. I really lost my best friend.
 
Speaking of which I had to go to the funeral of one of my best friends this morning. He died from the flu and upper respiratory failure last Thursday night. It was real tough on me and I could have used a friend when I got back from the service. But all I had was some crazy bitch making a scene. The one that said she really did care about me. You know the one. The one that went to the motel with a married man yesterday. The one I caught in the shed that night. The one that blames me for some window getting broken when it was likely that married man that had driven by 5 times and stopped for a minute once. The one that was in the back yard that I saw from my back yard over the fence. The one that would have a motive for breaking the window. Especially if I got blamed. But you don't remember. The one that is feeding you pills that have your mind all twisted up. The one that should be with his sick wife. You remember. No you just keep making a fool of yourself as you loose your best friend. It hurts. I know.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

What is wrong here?......

It Makes No Sense...

September 16, 2014
 
I can't figure out how in 2 weeks time we went from wanting to be with each other as much as possible to you getting a restraining order and calling the sheriff every time you see me. To you trying to steal my dog - the only thing that means anything to me in this world! - and lying to the sheriff whenever you call them. You do know that this restraining order means we will never see each other in any way again? Ever... If that is your desire then by all means I never want to see you again either. I did love you and you said and texted the same thing many times. But if you don't love me there is no use trying so go your way. But the way you did this is wrong. I see now the multiple personalities I suspected are real. So that is more than I want to deal with. I say good-bye with a heart broken and beaten and shredded apart. But I say good-bye. It's just when I see you now my anger is such that I scream whatever I can to make you hurt like I do. Someday I won't. I do know there are 2 songs I never want to hear again. Whatever...
 
So you are so cruel you have made it nearly impossible for me to have Xz with me all day? But you don't care about Xz. You think he loves you more than me. That dog is bonded with me and will always be bonded with me. That you would try to circumvent it shows me how selfish and twisted you are. Just like keeping me away from the place I have lived for 50 years. Something you will never understand. And giving Jerry phone numbers from my phone so he can make an ass of himself calling Lee and claiming he threw so0mething at his truck. Guess you weren't kidding when you said you were sucking his dick. Have at it dear. The pain in my hear will heal. Will your soul survive the compounded sin? My sister, of course, still thinks so. I have lost too much faith to believe it will happen. So I say good-bye while you stay lost and far from shore. God can worry about you. I don't have it in me to care anymore. You'll create more drama I'm sure. Just you'll have a new victim. I'm done. You'll never have what made you so happy again....ever....EVER! Because I can't love you. And for me it was making love and it's why it was so special. That was the magic....and it disappeared. Poof! Gone... Like the truth from your lips. Gone...

Friday, September 12, 2014

In The Hands Of The Lord...

But She Struggles To Break Free!!!

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September 12, 2014
 
Dear Lord I have given it to you that you may bring this ship to shore and it would bring me to my fate. You heard my requests and know my tastes. But don't think we'll both be landing near the other. Too much has gone off the deep end and she has become so crazy.
 
I pray that she considers a much different path and backs off this stupidity that I'm a threat to her family or her. If she can't see that the damage comes from her and ends up hurting Ian more than she knows or even cares.
 
This Restraining Order crap needs to come to a halt right now. Because if it goes to court  I will be forced to expose all of her nasty to all of the world. I only wish she'd clue in and see it stupid,,,

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

SAVE HER FROM HERSELF...

September 9, 2014

SAVE ME FROM HER GUILT...


I am amazed at her audacity. She is a train off the tracks looking for a crash site. She won't see the truth and believes she knows it all. She says someone was in her backyard. That was what I was telling her. I saw from my yard over the fence and someone was there. I tried to tell her. She said it was me. IT WASN'T. And this after the piece of shit Kevin drove by slow 5-6 times and even parked out front. And why was he doing this except to go in? But if you are honest and he wasn't maybe you better look closer. He was. And a window was broken. Why would I? But why would he? To come to the rescue? To be the hero? The knight in shining armor. So think about it. Cause it wasn't me. But you don't remember. Or don't care. How you could miss me so much at Safeway, get me candy and 5 bucks to eat then 12 hours later hate me. We'll let it play out but I'm afraid it's too late for me, us. The magic broke, broke in two. Yes it was magic for me but not you. I leave now with a broken heart and a tear hanging from my sad eyes. I believed in love. But love can't be one sided... 

Friday, September 5, 2014

go fuck yourself liar

id rather use drugs than to be what she is. what a liar. i dont do married men. well kevin isnt a man but he is married

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Dear Lord, Please Help Me...

Dear Jesus, I pray to you today that you may guide me in what I should do and say. Someone I love very much is having a very tough time and we have lost touch with each other. We are many miles apart and I fear we may never be close again. No matter how few the miles there will be a wall to impenetrable for any human to overcome. That is why I pray to you to help me overcome this obstacle that our hearts can once again touch and this barrier can be breeched. I fear it may be too big this time and I know only with your love and guidance can it ever be successfully conquered. I pray for you help to overcome the challenge and bring us back together again if that is your desire for it to be. I pray that it is and I will be patient in waiting for the time to be right for you as to whether that will be. It is my desire but it will only happen with your blessing. You have brought us together before in our times of madness. I only pray you will see it as your desire as well. May your will be done. I ask this in the name of the Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.