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Thursday, August 27, 2015

Some Days End Better Than Others...

After all the crappy days I've had lately this one went a little smoother and ended on a better note than has been the norm lately. It wasn't a terribly productive day but I didn't sink further into the big deep one. No, throughout the day I was blessed with a few people showing they cared. It helped to stay the nighttime on a positive note. Knowing there are people who really care what happens to you helps a lot. Enough to soften the pain inflicted by the person who tried to convince you they cared and yet caused the greatest pain by actions that definitely proved otherwise. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day still to end the week and ease into the weekend. I just want an end to this nightmare and a chance to reach a point where I can just relax and not have to worry about sinking in deep. A chance to enjoy something in life and not find it all insurmountable obstacles. I guess if it happens it happens. Something happens all the time...

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

The Boredom Of Life...

And today it became so noticeable. The boredom of life just existing. No point to anything. No meaning. No dreams. No goals. Just nothing. All of those things which have sustained me throughout my entire life through thick and thin, good and bad, destitution and prosperity, everything that life had been to me for 60 years on this planet. Always there were my dreams and hopes and goals in life. And out of them I always found a path. A way to climb back up and out of the hole, the trap, the quagmire. But as it is now the overwhelming burden I'm weighed down with had destroyed those dreams. The realization that time is not on my side anymore. No, time had become an enemy of sorts. It's working against me. It means patience is a negative force in my life now. I can't afford to be patient. It just eats up time. Before, I always knew that something would come my way. A break was always in my tomorrows. Just hang on and the opportunity will always show up. Usually a couple of them do that I could pick and choose which one suited me and follow that path. But as those great opportunities got fewer and fewer and the last one was getting the job last December with it getting quashed by an evil bitch who was trying to hide her immoral deeds I find that the toll was taken on my psyche and it has left me buried in boredom. I'm now trying to stay alive scraping for pennies to get food, gas, a cold drink, a can of dog food, a tube of denture adhesive. The bare essentials that I need and I'm coming up short everyday. Starting each morning deeper in the hole while facing the world with anger and disdain.

Now everyday is just a day I have to get through to the night and the night is just find somewhere I can hang until I sleep. Then wake up in the morning and do it all again. So isn't it wonderful that I was able to pull myself out of the big abyss and was set to start the year with dreams and goals and hope and expectations beginning to bear fruit only to have a sleazy, low life, slut destroy it all when she is the one who broke laws, commandments, vows, promises, intentions, etc. And she's the one responsible for teaching, guiding and protecting a young life and instilling morals and integrity in that life and shaping him for the future to influence the world her lives in while, hopefully, making it better. And if he grows up to be another one of her won't that be special? All of this accomplished with the help of a legal system that should be locked up as well. I don't think it can get better because it had been getting worse all along and shows no sign of correcting itself. So on and on we go with boredom leading the way. One day it will get to the point where anarchy will rule and then maybe there will be some excitement to bring back hope. One can only dream...

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Called An Attorney Today...

I called an attorney today and low and behold there is an answer to this. Kinda like the OJ Simpson thing: Civil Court! There is a different set of laws governing civil suits in that it doesn't matter whether one is innocent or guilty. You just have to prove what is being done is vindictive and you only have to prove it with a preponderance of evidence, not beyond a shadow of doubt. And, apparently just my emails, IM'S, texts, etc. do just that. Not to mention the time she hacked my account and changed my screen name, which is a federal offense, and I even have an admission of her doing it in my IM's along with her apology. Oh boy! A civil suit would be ideal. And with homeowners insurance the pockets are deep enough to make it worthwhile for the attorney to handle it on contingency. Maybe there is a God and not the hypocrite someone seems to have found. Of course then it gets down to being all about money. But isn't that all everything gets down to anymore? Sad but true...

Fucking Cunt...

Just coming out an application online and having to go through all the bullshit for explaining my felony conviction just burns my ass. It's fucking ridiculous and I want her head on a platter. That's a fitting biblical reenactment worthy of this situation. It's going to get to the point where my anger will make this right once and for all. That's not a healthy situation. The lying fucking bitch was cheating on her husband not only with me but with the lop child molester who also needs an adjustment or two. Her problem is that she is an immoral slut who just happens to be an alcoholic dope fiend bag whore as well. And this fucked up legal system that enabled her to dodge the real bullets of her adulterous actions is another fucked up institution right along with the dick breath sheriff who facilitated the whole mess. I wish them all the worst of luck and most horrendous fate possible. FUCK YOU ALL AND MAY YOUR DEMISE BE LONG AND PAINFUL.

Monday, August 24, 2015

The More I Think On It...

The madder it makes me. All the things that caught my attention then and I ignored. The little pieces that now have meaning and all add up. And the phony "I love Jesus!" hypocrisy and going to a meeting facade just makes it that much more sickening. I hope you fry in hell. I hope both of your faces, both ugly, get plastered on billboards with a fitting headline: "I'm a worthless cunt!" What a farce. And know this. What you did to me was way wrong and I will return the favor ten fold. Make amends for those you hurt. That's a step you'll never achieve. You can't. Especially since you did the damage while claiming to have found Jesus. He wasn't lost, you are and I really don't think He believes your worth saving. So far you haven't down any redeeming qualities. A year into supposed sobriety and you haven't changed one bit. Still doing the same sin and lying from every side. You embrace the dark side. You are the dark side. And you are hated. Fry in hell...

Try, Try, Try, Why?...

I try and I try and I try again and look what it's done for me? Not a fucking thing. I don't need to hear anymore fucking useless drivel. I need to see the one who had made this an impossible situation own up and take responsibility for her lies and FIX THE FUCKING PROBLEM. Too many instances where she created big messes and ran away from responsibility leaving people's lives in shambles. It's time to ACT like the new spiritually enlightened creature your claiming to be and not just putting on a show to impress and deceive everyone. You have hurt me in the worst way and have no conscience concerning what your lies and manipulation have caused. You want to blame it all on alcohol and drugs. But that doesn't cut it, no matter what s bunch of AA game players say. So get off your ass and quit faking ta bunch of garbage and fix what you broke in your selfish ego filled spoiled ways. I want my job back and I want my life back and I want I you to pay for your evil ways. It should be you in jail and for twice as long as I got stuck there. You committed perjury, endangered a child, co signed a child molester's deeds, lied that I threatened you, set it up where I'd catch you screwing the molester, drove by me repeatedly followed by the idiot to make sure I knew you were going to the motel, took a photo of yourself in front off the room complete with your bra under the stack of shit in your arms, posted it on line, hacked my Google account numerous times, followed me on Google+ and when I blocked you sent me a request to be in my circles, called me from the mall and the hospital begging me to come see you then claiming I was stalking you, called me when I was at Mac Donalds asking me why I didn't tell you about the bastard, sent me emails to check out your phony ass posts, etc., etc., etc., on and on. Even pulling up to talk to me and tell me you didn't mind if I worked on Julie's house out drop my dog off when I went to work and then following me when I did and calling the fucking ass hole sheriff and telling then some lie to get me arrested. Your a fucking low life pieces of scum and it's time you owned up to your filthy disgusting behavior. You put on a great act but behind it all is a worthless slut who will do anything to maintain her free ride. You don't care how many lives you screw over as long as you get your way. I can honestly say I have never hated another person as much as I do you. I wish I could forget I ever knew you. But I can't when I'm constantly reminded of your evil because it affects everything in my life. And it had destroyed me from the inside. I hope you slip and get drink and then get in your car like you always did and crash into a another car where someone I'd gravelly injured and you spend 10 years in prison with that eating away at you. But you have no conscience so it probably won't bother you at all. Your a piece of shit and I HATE YOU! Again, I HATE YOU! Eat shit and fucking die...

So how do I get this anger out of me? I have tried and tried but since the cause won't un-cause it, won't even deal with it honestly, I'm stuck in this anger pool and I find no way out. I have to battle with a label I don't deserve while my own handicaps are more than enough to overcome. The real pisser is that the chain she threw around my neck is the greatest handicap of all. And it got there from her lies, manipulation and deceit. All because she couldn't own up to what was really going down. Because she doesn't seem to want to take responsibility for her part in it all.

Steps 4 & 9 are definitely being skipped in her version of 12 Steps. I doubt she will ever even truly submit to step 1.  She will never say anything had power over herself. Not the mighty Wonder Woman who can do anything. Anything but tell the truth and right her wrongs. She's never wrong. Yet she's never been right...

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Banquet From Hell...

2 banquet set up positions, one st the Sheraton and Holiday Inn, and I applied but I'm not holding my breath since the very last question on three application asks about doing a background check. And with a fresh felony in my recent history how will that go? I guess I'll find out...

Might be the straw that will get me a position with the US Mail. As in a"postal" position. It would be sorry term but packed with excitement. One delivery to one familiar address. Special delivery. No signature required. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am! I can only dream...

And dreams are a waste of time and still only lead to disaster. Because there are evil liars out there whip will Fuck everything off for you because of y the need to hide the sick affairs they indulge in while hiding behind a false vail of Christianity mixed with a convoluted 12 step pile of dog shit. On just the being totally honest they flunked that one. Not to mention the pill popping and don't even think about the making things right for the one's you hurt- intentionally! Never mind the harboring a child molester and co signing his actions along with putting your own flesh and blood I harm's way. All to cover up a sick affair between two drink idiots who have never been honest in their lives and don't care who gets hurt or how much damage is caused. Just to continue denial of the real truth to the end. It's time to write a letter...