Got Something...

PWell, I've got a small job to do and, yes, I appreciate it. But it won't keep me from sliding backwards some more. I need the windshield bad. And insurance as well as DMV. And while I'll make a party if what I need I'll still be a long way from the total. I feel better today because I did get a shower this morning. I know that's an important piece of what I need regularly. But it doesn't happen often enough and I have no idea how to change that. I was so close to fixing that problem 7 months ago but 6 of them neglecting everything unnecessarily really pisses me off.  I think of how almost a year had passed since this episode began and I can't help but see what a total waste it has been. And it will haunt me f for a long time because I can't get the answers or find closure so it just slowly stews and curdles becoming a poison in my spirit. Making me bitter and contributing to my ever growing cynicism. I'm left with an angry attitude and a hateful resentment that drains me instead of the uplifting optimism I felt a year ago. I can't let it go, and I've tried, because the attitude and acts that were thrown at me are uncalled for. And when the farce is still claimed and perpetuated and if the truth was really known it should be me showing contempt and disgust and her shrouded in shame. And I have the added task of appealing and expunging this horrible stigma I'm sure I don't deserve. The system is wrong and had been abused for too long. It needs to be righted instead of rigged to destroy. So fuck all you bastards for the bullshit that went down.