Whatever It Is I Did...

I'm Sorry And IMU So Much...

September 25, 2014

I don't know what it is I did that has made you hate me and want to destroy me but whatever it is that I did or that you think that I did, I'm sorry. I truly am sorry. Because it has cost me your friendship and your love or your caring and it's way too high a price to pay. I only hope you'll stop this madness and we can work this out in some way. Because I don't want to hate you and I don't want to battle with you. The only thing I want is the truth and the reason you are acting this way. Too many things get blown way out of proportion and I believe this is a perfect example of that. For you to go from the loving, caring lady that I drove to Oregon with to the hateful, evil creature you metamorphosed  into in a matter of days is just too much for me to imagine. From a promise to make all my dreams come true with an unequaled love to a destruction determined demon ready to destroy anything and everything I have left in this world is a stark contrast that I would never believe possible if I wasn't witness to it's manifestation. I have to believe that there is something seriously wrong in you that needs help. What else could explain it. This is a little more than hot flashes and menopause rearing it's ugly head.

Well I hope that your sobriety is still the top priority in your life. And that you keep it that way. I know the few times over the past year that you saw you were struggling and tried to get clean you became a much more stable person. The real person that is you is the trying to assert herself and I think it will happen this time and all will end well some day. I'm just so sad that I'll never get to see her or be with her in any way. I miss what we had and I'll miss what it could be. Now I have to learn again how to live without your friendship never knowing what it might have become. I was blessed with a year of your life but I still wonder if the price paid was worth it. Right now I'd say no. Nothing is worth the pain when your still in it. It's after the time payments are paid that we see if it was a good investment or just money burned with little return. IMU...