I Hate Life Today...

I really hate life right now. There is nothing I like about it. I have to look forward to. Nobody I even care to brr around. I sit in my van and an bored to death. I get harassed. I have to deal with idiots I don't even rent to babe around. It's uncomfortable wherever I am. I get absolutely no pleasure in my life. I barely survive. And have been knocked backwards farther than forward. The harder I try the worse it gets. And the liar has been my greatest detriment. All her self righteous boasting about how much she helped me... Again, she did more damage than any good. I am worse off today than I was when she sucked me into her drama. I was so much better off and doubt that I'll ever get back to that sad state. And that's the way it is and not the way I want it.

She Is And What A???...

She pulls up to the stop light making sure she is seen. Looks over and puts the phone to her ear and gets to appear to be calling the sheriff. All I could do was shake my head knowing who she is today is a far cry from the person I knew for nearly 2 years. And definitely not the person I was intimate with for over half that time. I still am amazed at the complete and total swap of personalities that getting off the shit and alcohol produced. That's just the opposite of what one would expect to see. But there she is. A hateful vindictive liar that really hasn't changed. She just put up a different facade too cool the world. The chameleon that nobody can trust. A leach on anyone she can come up on. I only want to see her demise. I can only hate her for what she had done. Because I am affected by it everyday in one way or another. And I still have no respect for any of the agencies and/or officials around me. And never will...

I've Had It With Drunk Women...

Just made a run to the scrap yard that turned into disaster. Marshall had some stuff to take in and I had some steel so it should have been good. But he had to bring Riahna with him and I want aware that she was drinking 4 Loco's on the way. She gulped a couple down and was drunk and started smarting off to the workers at the yard. They told us to get her out of there. Then on the way down Watt she got mouthy with drivers and I told her to shut up. So she goes off on me pulls a You Know Who and starts hitting mgr in the face. I kept trying to hold her back but it wasn't working. And Marshall did such a poor join of holding her back that I gay hit a bunch of times. And some guy in a mini van pulls along side and starts telling me off. I told him she was drunk but he didn't believe me. And if coarse 2 guys in a beat up van with a screaming girl... Anyway, the guy follows us all the way to the house and even though it was obvious she was the only one attacking they still wanted to call the cops. And before she got out of my van she broke and scattered everything and broke my windshield. Another piece of trash I don't need around me. What a bunch of crap. Nite I need a windshield. I'm so fucking tired of trying and having some idiot fuck things up even more. What's the use in trying? No, really? Like I need that kind of problem adding to my serious challenge I'm confirmed with. And here comes the sheriff now .  Great!

Looking Back...

Add I read the posts from the past I'm seeing what is causing so much of a problem. I have no closure and I have too many unanswered questions mixed with so many lies. And until I get that closure it will be a wall that I keep slamming into. I don't give a fuck what anyone says, I need that closure. Or I need to see karma crushing her world. One or the other.

Nice At The River...

It was nice and peaceful at the river. Not a lot of people at all. If the pictures would upload it would show Xz having a great time swimming. He had a blast...

And my dentures were starting to feel much better but I just had the bone spur crack off a little chip and it started bleeding again. And it hurts. I don't know how else to get it through Western Dental's head that there is still a sliver of tooth left that needs to come out. It's going to be a problem over and over until it's dealt with. That's on the oral surgeon as he didn't get all the tooth out. They were all breaking bad and he should have been more thorough.

Tired Of It...

I'm tired of beating my brain against the wall and going backward. I had made it where I needed to be 6 months ago and it was torn from mgr by someone who hasn't accomplished a fucking thing on her own. Just a fucking whore who used anyone and everyone to get ahead. The type of person that should be tarred and feathered and stoned to death. So to hell with out all. I'm going to the river and let Xz enjoy life for once. This heat is blazing and he deserved a cool down. Maybe my anger will decline off I enjoy myself there. I need another $50 to get my license and who knows how much for insurance. And of coarse the SUV fag is roaming around. He must need his little wee wee sucked. You know, like back in Ohio when she didn't want to go to jail for drugs and she copped the cop? She's got do much class and the morals of the SSD are always void. And she gets away with the crimes. Sign of the times. The world in decline.

WHAT I WANTED...

What I've wanted was that positive energy that overcomes all obstacles and drives me on when nothing can stop me. I'd what got me through the worst of times and got me to where I was January 1st. You know, when the idiot pulled her stunt because she had a hangover from the night before. Like she has every new year's eve. Like the one a few years ago when she had her hubby arrested got battery to pay him back for him getting her back east. Never mind all that. It's because she did so much damage and has a history of it that I can't let it go. Yanking the rug on me when I had made such progress and had such great hope driving me on was evil like nothing I've ever seen. Someone like that should not be allowed to live in this neighbourhood.

But I keep returning to this which is why it has me do unfocused. Any seeing her get away with this nonsense won't do. She had pulled these shenanigans too many times in her life and it's time it ends. Nobody should abuse the law that was there to protect real victims of abuse. She has to be held accountable and I won't stop until she is.

Do They Realize...

I am so full of anger at a few around me. Of course the liar that has c created most of this nightmare. She cost me a good job and I lost my storage unit with everything I had left including my mom's ashes. My family history - pictures, my uncle's WWII history, little things like mine and Debbie's baby does, my baby photo, my first hair clipping, etc. - for that alone I will hate her with a passion! And I hate the fucking sheriff who hover around me. They, most of them, were total Nazi ass holes. Especially the total jerk in the SUV at MacDonald's who ripped my phone case off my belt and pushed me and taunted me. He w was a total idiot. But because she got away with making up most everything and has hacked my Google account more than once I see what a piece of trash she is. I have to remember these things so is don't let my own blind feelings of the past make me stupid. All of this consumes me and weights me down. Until I see justice served on her it will be what kills me. But that's how it is when a liar gets away with it all. A bitch that couldn't tell the truth about anything. Who wouldn't hate her?

Man No Boy...

I just discovered a funny little thing in my Google+ profile. Seems that someone hacked my account, not the first time, and added a nickname. I remember the first h time this happened was when I had used someone's tablet. She changed it then to "Tricky Dick" and this time to "Man No Boy". Now don't you know that's a Federal offense? What kind of evil sadistic bitch would do that and then call the cops on me? And it's an easy thing to track b by going in to Google tracking and checking the Mac address that made t those changes. And I bet it was from a Mac or Iphone. We'll just j have to see...

Bite This One...

I can't believe my gums are still causing so much pain. It's been 13 days and I'm still unable to eat or even wear my lower dentures. The uppers need and adjustment but very little. But the lowers are useless until the gum heals. And that isn't going to happen unless the spur poking through the skin is removed. Even healed, it will cause pain when the dentures are in place because it will press through and hit the plate. It's only common sense.

And I've gotten real hungry in nearly 2 weeks eating mashed potatoes, oat meal and milk shakes. I want to chew a burger, some corn on the cob, a salad, pizza. I'm sitting in Western Dental now waiting to see the dentist. The receptionist made the comment that I needed to let out heal. I snapped at her that it's be been nearly 2 weeks and it should have healed by now. That I had hip replacement surgery that healed in a week. She got the point. It sucks that I have to go to that place to get their attention. So I suit here and wait.

Such A Waste...

It's such a stupid waste of life dealing with this crap again. Everything was getting taken care of that needed to be before it became a problem and then to waste a total of 6 months being non-productive as things went past due is such a waste and sucked me into a deeper pit. For someone who spent s year dominating every minute of my time and demanding all attention to turn so mean and vindictive is sad. That's a sick mind. But seeing her past record and all the domestic violence and such there it'd no wonder she knew how to play the system since she's had it worked on her in that time. Not that out will ever matter. I only wish it would all backfire in her face and she would be exposed got the farce she is. I don't care what facade she had constructed around her she is still going the same shit she always has. That's why she strikes out at me to cover her self and deflect attention from it. A smoke screen as they say. It's so sad to think someone had to hide their life behind a wall of lies.

The truth always finds out everything. It just takes time. Karma is in the wind. Gonna have a great time watching it play out.

What Really Makes Me Mad...

I think what really makes me mad is that I was truly s faithful in that screwed up relationship. I was on my with her and only wanted to be with her. I still don't have much of a desire for being with anyone else. But I know she wasn't. And the rest is obvious. How did I miss the missing morals? I don't know how I did but I did. That's my greatest mistake. If I only saw the true person I easily would have never been with her. It's why I am so angry ask about it all. I abhor woman like her.

What A Phony Bunch Of Shit...

What a bunch of bull shit... The sheriff good to 7 11 and parks where I usually park. Then leaves and guess who drives by? And then the child molester pulls right by me. The sheriff should be pulling him over and giving him s sobriety check. That's a real bunch of hypocrites. The molester who she's fucking and then driving by again. I was wrong. There wasn't that much fulfilling about things with her. She has such class. Bull shit. She has no class. Good riddance. And why hasn't she moved yet? Looking at her record for domestic violence and even her husband charged her with that back east. And the restraining orders that have been on her. She had more violent offenses. And she attacked me twice. Stabbed me in the cheek one time. And the mug shot tells the story in Oregon. What a life. And the molester throwing a brick and breaking my windshield. No wonder this neighborhood has gone down the last couple of years.

I Still Remember...

I remember how it was each night as I'd get things done that needed to be and wait patiently for her to text or maybe call. Of course there were the little texts along the way. But it felt good just staying in touch until that time when she'd beckon to me. A different mode each time but the end result was the same. We would be together in private and all would be good for the time. And then she'd blurt out, "Get out of here!" So then I would leave. We'd still text and stay close and it was special. But it was good with us and we both looked forward to the time together.

And I remember the times if be in my van somewhere and she would show up out of the blue. Or I'd be at the store and there she'd be. I could always count on it time after time.

And she went from that to showing up then calling the cops. And even making up stories about deeds I had done. She would advise me of being somewhere or with someone. And I never was. She may even have believed what she said but that didn't make it so.

I only know that the pleasure we had was a wonderful and fulfilling thing. But the pain it produced in the end I'd worse than it really should be. But the things still to come won't fix any of it. In fact it will probably be worse. But I won't accept the scar that it's left do that's where it's headed. Never to be better. So sad...

Just Don't Feel Motivated...

I just don't have it in me to try anymore. I don't feel like getting kicked in the face anymore. I had gotten over the hurdles. I was working at an new job and I could see things were going to get good and I'd have a place to live. Now I've got less than I did before. And less chance of being back to even where I was to begin 2015. If I even think about what was done I her pissed as a all hell. I don't give a shit about anyone or anything. And that's too bad. I'd rather put my efforts into revenge. I feel out would be much more saga satisfying. The sweet taste of vengeance. So it goes.

Oh What Stupidity Does...

I'm in major pain from the sharp piece o of tooth still poking through my gum where my dentures have caused an ulcer. I told the dentist about it but she didn't get it. It needs to be taken out or I'll never be able too wear the lowers. It hurts bad. And to top it off I've got Lisa Cook being her usual loud self with her friend Tracy adding her drunk and psychoticness to it all. I just wanted some piece and quiet but I've go got nothing like it now. I'm ready to go off. All I want is quiet. I'm not going to get it. Not with the nuts surrounding me.

I'm Still Clueless...

I'm still unsure just why she has done this to me. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't add up. Why go from one extreme to another? Everything that she said was a contradiction.

I admit that deep in my heart I have waited for her to pull up next to me like she used to when I least expected it and say she wants to talk. That she would have s good reason for what she's done. And that she's sorry for what she's done. That's what I hope will happen

But then, in my brain, I think "Stop! Hold on! Don't be stupid..." because I know she's a nut case and a liar. She did what she did because that's what she does and had done in the past. She had multiple personalities and she does evil things. Because that's what she does...

For someone to follow me and call the sheriff to get me arrested when I never did a thing to harm her or threaten her she has to be a total nut. So don't think there's a part of her that really cares even a little bit about me. She doesn't. She's an evil bitch who will always be cheating and she'll destroy anyone that gets in her way. So hate her for the lies and know she'll never be anything worth casting about.

It's A Shame...

I find it difficult to deal with the extra obstacles I have to overcome because of what I was put through. For no valid reason except she got caught and her lies became known. I am still seething and want her punished and exposed. That's all. Punished and exposed..

It Positively Sucks...

I now have to go in search of a job again. I finally had found one, a good one at that, but the evil tweaker blew that for me. I hope the cop's dick that she's copping, as Lenny Bruce would say, catches her STD. "Why don't you write about me in your blog?" I just did. What does department policy say about doing married woman while on duty? It seems they violate the law and the Constitution on a regular basis, what's the big deal about breaking a commandment? What would Moses do?

But now I have to find another one and do it from deeper in the hole. It's  amazing what vindictive liars will do just to be evil. I don't know why I didn't see how messed up in the head she was, though I did see some clues to it along the way, yet I missed the big picture and now I'm paying for not focusing in. I'll never let that happen again. If it looks like it's nuts, and acts like it's nuts, and even walks like it's nuts, chances are it's nutragrous...

Brain Slippage...

I had a little brain slippage thinking  there was a chance that I missed something and that there was a genuine person beneath all her lies and evil ways. I was wrong. It's exactly like what I thought. She's delusional.  She used to say, accuse or claim the most odd the wall thingss and it was usually because she was drinking. A good example is her claim that I was in her backyard a couple of nights ago. And there may even have been someone there. I told her there was someone there the night the window was broken. But she doesn't believe what I say. Like I could believe anything she said.

Strange thought I had. I remember that time she tried to pass a fake $100 bill off on me. And then she supposedly got Shawn at King's Liquor to take out.

I just have trouble believing anything she said.

What A Bunch Of Bullshit..

I have lost all respect for that liar. I think about everything she did for a test and a half - both Goff and bad - and hour she would demand full attention fin me, dominate my time, tell me how wonderful I was for her and always that smile. She would act so insecure like I would dunno her at any time. And I would assure her I want going anywhere. You know what? Or doesn't matter. She was a phoney and drunk most of the time and doesn't even remember. I'm a fool to have had any feelings. The feelings I have now are hatred and despise. Anger that just consumes me. Nothing good will ever come of this. To hell with out all. I hate it all...

She Is Still A Nut...

I was just told that she is accusing me of being in her backyard 2 nights ago. It sounds to me like she's still tweaking! And maybe even smoking coke again. She is one spun cunt. I hope someone was in your backyard and they get her. She is a total nut case. May karma come crashing upon her. Let the gods take care of it.

When I was in jail downtown Jeremy was in the same pod. He had some stories and do did Nick at night. And let's not forget what I saw one night with her daughter. Incest I'd not best!!! And the pictures her daughter put on my phone. For someone with a raunchy record like hers she sure slings the bs. I feel sorry for her. She should be in a mental hospital.

I Want Positive Back...

I'm so tired of the negative outlook dominating my mind. I want the optimistic charge that's always carried me through it all. It's just so difficult when I get slammed to the ground over and over.

I had a good job and not I have to search again from even farther in the hole. I don't know if I have the strength to fight it again. I just don't know..

Busy Body Bitch...

One of the busy body bitches that sits at Mac Donald's and plays on her laptop had to point me out to a guy there eating breakfast and telling him I wasn't supposed to be there. Too bad she doesn't know the truth. Just like someone else doesn't know the truth. And won't listen to it. I am so fed up with all the crap that she created. It would be nice to force the issue so that all the cards were put on the table and all of the lies would be exposed. Then all of the liars would become powerless. Hold your breath for that to happen. Hope you like blue...

No Ambition...

It's gotten to the point that I have no ambition. No desire. No drive and no dreams. Too many of them just got shattered. And at the end of last year as things started to come together and it looked as though I was set to get my life back. At this verycx precipice then all of a sudden I had nothing. All because some alcoholic/tweaker bitch goes whacko. And no nut case should ever have that much sway that they can get away with murder. She needs to fix things but I doubt that she can. And I'm sure she'd never try.

As I Recall...

I remember as 2014 headed into winter and she and I started getting closer I noticed that she was drinking a lot and her behavior became errattic. I remember then how she would say one thing one day and a different version the next but birth with so much conviction you believed both times even when there was confliction between the two. And I would notice how she would act all loving and sweet one night but the morning brought a cold bitch to the arena. Sometimes anyway. There were the times she'd make me coffee and even breakfast. And then there were the times when I'd take the grandson to school and before I'd get down Morse to Northrop she would be texting me to get back fast so we could have sex. And there was the time at Big Lots when she'd taken Norco's and she was hanging all over me in the store and wanted it then and  there! And the times if get texts when I was doing some job close by and the text would be to the point: "Come fuck my brains out" and such. So I would.

And then pine day she flipped out and started hating on me. And just up and forgot and even denied all those things. Some trick I'll say...

I'll tell you I can't do it. I can't. Why she had to end it that way I don't know. But she did. And even added some extra touches. And those are the things that made me start hating her. Because it all hurt too much. And still does. But she doesn't give a shit.

DMV

DMV= Drain Money Vehicle... It started at $876 and dropped to $123 but when it was done it was $327. Just for registration! Add another $100 to get my driver's license reissued and it's getting close to $500!!! Gotta live it. They'll get you for everything and still want more. No wonder people can't get everything legal. Who can afford it?
So now I'm $204 short plus I need $90 to get my CDL reissued and I have to get insurance, about $500 a year. I or $150-$200 down. That means $450 or so right away! This is so fucked up. I making decent money 6-months ago and all of this would have been paid as needed and not pulled up at once when I have no job to acquire the cash. And for this out isn't understandable why I hate her? If I didn't that would indicate there was something wrong with me...

What a Freaking Mess!!!

Oh what a mess everything becomes when not dealt with on time. The paperwork for the van had become such a mess. There was $26 due for transfer of title since all the license/registration fees were paid. In May of last year the DMV wanted $158 on my first trip to the North Ave office. I took the paper work and then called them the following week. That's when they discovered their error and revised it to $26 but I remember Julie going online and I believe paying the $26.
So now I am at the DMV and we'll see why they are taking over $800 for the renewal. Inflation can be shocking but that I'd ridiculous. I am so tapped out in every way shape or form I can't keep dealing with all off this crap. And then when I figure this out I have to deal with my CDL. Can't wait...

She Can Count On One Hand...

I remember that line of bs that she could count the men she'd been with on one hand. Yeah, right. Then I remember seeing Jeremy in jail downtown in April and remember her was going to Emerald Place Apartments in his Camero and then seeing Nick at night on 12th and C last Thursday when I ride my bike downtown. And his comment, "Yeah, I heard," and "I told you do". What a joke. Nick had been HIV positive for years. Count on one hand a week? Trash. Sleazy low-life trash. Makes my stomach turn. Stereotypical Puerto Rican crack ho. What can be worse? Nothing had to be. The sickening part is how she doesn't change. And she wants to make me out to be the ass hole.

I Don't Like That She Had So Much Impact...

I am not happy with the fact that her evil actions have had such an impact on my life. And I don't like that I have prayed a hundred times a day to have this anger lifted from upon me and leave me alone yet the anger persists and consumes me. That tells me something but I dare not speculate. I just know what she did had too much affect on me and I want it off me and her to suffer greatly for the lies and evil that abound. I just know she did things that should have never been done. And I will never forgive her.

I Will Only Be Happy When She Isn't...

I've been fucked over too much this past year and had too much taken to really ever want to try very hard ever again. There's nobody I care about nor anything worth that much commitment. She told so many lies and did so many vile things that she should be punished severely and made to suffer immensely. That's the only thing that would satisfy my anger and make's feel like there is really justice in life. A bad auto wreck that leaves her in a wheel chair or worse. West Nile Virus. AIDS. A brain tumor. Caught up in gang violence. Road Rage. A plane crash. Earthquake. Tsunami. Hurricane. Terrorist attack. Whatever. Add kind as there's pain involved. And loss. I just want to know that when someone acts that evil that they suffer the consequences of their actions. It seems too much bad gets done and nothing happens as a result of it. That isn't right. And it needs to be corrected. It really does.

Why Try?

I'm so fucked over now it's stupid to even try. The debt I have now has me buried. The van registration, ticket, needed repairs. I can't get that money in time. My dentures are killing my mouth and I can't eat. With the lower in I can't even drink. I need to get to the doctor for that growth real soon. My right hand had been going numb a lot lately like it is right now. I have no clothes to wear except the filthy ones I'm wearing now. I'm out of gas. I owe Lee $25 fit the battery. My hip is getting more painful. It never ends. But I had climbed from this fucking hole to ends last year only to get shoved even deeper at the start if the year. Fuck that bitch! What an evil cunt. I want vengeance on her. I hate her more than anyone out anything ever.

I Really Don't Have Hope Anymore...

I lost too much this time, got too much crap pulled on me and have nothing left to reach for. I had struggled for a lot of years to get where I was January 1st and because a total cunt had to be a total cunt I had my hard work wiped away. I've now been buried in it so deep I'd be stupid to try because I know its impossible and I'll never get back what I lost. I'd rather spend everything I have left on extracting my vengeance. At least then I'll have something I want and the satisfaction of knowing I got it. It may be stupid top everyone else but it's what can make me happy again.

I Have Never Hated So Much...

There isn't a creature alive with more evil in it. There is more evil in her than the devil at his worst. Foul, disgusting, vile, repulsive, slimy, raunchy, etc. And she's infected a young boy and the chances are he will never be able to overcome it. Sad. So very sad.