I can't understand why I can't completely let go of her. I seem to still hold on to a glimmer of hope. Some little part of me that keeps hoping she'll come find me and tell me she misses me and she wants me in her life again. Even though I know it will never happen and I know that for sure and I know I don't really want it to happen. Still, that tiny possibly clings to don't bit of hope. Realistica/lly I would hope that she would have enough heart to want to come talk you me and set things right so err could close the book on this and I could move on. I would hope that she would want things to be amicable between us so we could still communicate occasionally even if only by mail and there wouldn't be this battle line drawn between us. That she would just care enough to be honest with me and don't let me think the worst of her. We went through a lot in that year and it seems stupid to just toss it out with the garbage. We shared a time together that may have been questionable by any standard but it was special and I thought it would be a memory that s would bring a smile to my face and a warmth to my heart. I felt out would be much more tender than it ended and she would be much more caring. Instead it ended in disaster and it will never get closed properly. It will stay an open wound that will fester and become infected and possibly cause more damage than it should. I don't want that. I want the smile and warmth. Not the bitter resentment that keeps bubbling forth. The foul taste that lingers for ever and makes it dangerous to mention her name. But I still don't see her being honest and open since she's hiding behind the facade of fear that she knows had no basis. She convinced the DA and the judge but we all know it's not true. And I will try hard to tear her grip on my heart away and push her far, far away. But it would make life a much more rewarding experience if there were better endings than this one...
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