It brings out the worst in me...

Just seeing that freak drunk molester brings out the worst in me. I wish it didn't. That her didn't have that adverse affect on me. But he does and I'll try to understand why. Maybe because I, and others, see what he is right away. But she doesn't. It won't. Our doesn't care. That makes me think I don't see her for what she really is. Our I've ignored it for so long I look through it. I don't know. When I first started working at her house a couple of years ago all I could see was a really cool woman who seemed genuinely concerned about me.  Who showed interest in me. Who was warm and caring and adored her grandson and only wanted the best for him. I felt her ass she got closer and closer to me and reeled me in until I finally made a move and kissed her in the garage one night as we were talking after I did some work go her. Next thing I knew we were in her bed together and that first night we only kissed and touched. She got scared and I got up and left. It was difficult to do since we were both pretty hot and bothered,  as they say. But I didn't want this to be just a one time event. I wanted it to last. Even though I had little hope I that it would because by then I knew she was married. Paper only, as she describes it. But married still. But within a couple of days we were in that bed again and went all the way. This went on for about a week each night. And in that time we both had done excellent sex. She even claimed she had her first multiple orgasm and the first one orally. She lives it. She wanted more and more. And so did I. There were a couple of scary moments but they past and we got comfortable. And then we started going to motels on occasion just to be safe. Motel 6's mostly. The Sacramento Inn after that. Actually the Red Lion, which it was renamed. And the whole time I suspected.That she was drinking a bit too much. But I didn't realize what a problem that was until a couple of times when she went psycho all of a sudden. But she c would get a grip on things quickly and I'd put it out of my thoughts. I was in love by then and let her know it. She told me not to be but I said it wasn't something I could just turn off. This was something I knew she wasn't feeling but as.time went by and we made that trip to Seattle to visit her son things started to change for her. She played that George Strait sing Cross My Heart and I felt she really meant the words for me. She sent me that song the lady week before the end right after the trip to Oregon. I can't listen to it any more. Just like I can't listen to Cold Play's Magic, which I told her was surely written for us for that first kiss in her garage. There has always been a song that fit whatever relationship I was in at the different.times in my life. Those two were just so perfect it was scary. So now with her
turning about face on me and my feelings still clinging to her it had mgs do mixed up I just want to die. I'm having a hard time accepting it is done and will never return. More trouble just accepting she never wants to a see me or communicate with me ever again. That she calls the sheriff whenever she sees m me. That she had no problem with what that does to me. That out cost me a job that I needed do bad. That she has cut me off from life long friend and people I did work for. It cost mgr a place to live out at least keep my things at and take a shower. And park my van and leave my dog, Xz, at. She doesn't see how her bull shit adversely affects my life. No she isn't responsible for my life being in such a dismal state. But she is responsible for holding me back when I should be staying to live again. She k lied and exaggerated to get that restraining order. And made it worse sing the court order to it. Tried to make me out to be some threat when she is the violent one. She is the one that physically attacked me in Oregon. Stabbed me in her garage. Threatened to have her gangster cousin come kill me. To have her nephew best me senseless. And tracked up with a degenerate drunk to keep getting me in trouble for nothing. That drunk broke my windshield in my van. Follows me around. Thinks he had some affect on me when he's lucky I don't hurt him bad for stupid stuff like the windshield or pulling a knife on me. He should be living in a bit of fear because one of these times when he's driving drunk, which he does often, he might have an accident and that would be felony DUI. His own wife claims he beats her and abused the children. Wow! I'd say he's a stupid mother fucker because does he know how easy it was to call CPS and tell them what his wife said? And they have contacted me for more info. And they seem to think it needs attention. I'm sure it will happen. So act real smug and don't forget her husband may have an investigator following him and her both and the motel registrations are easy to obtain. I'd be concerned. When your doing the wrong thing and acting like your some hero saviour Jesus just might step in to seek his vengeance. Wouldn't that be perfect? Amen...