In All Honesty..

To be totally honest about my state of mind and the angst I am dealing with I can't help but feeling that a lot of the turmoil is due to the fact that there are residual feelings that keep eating away at me. It's not that I'm still blinded by some idiotic live for her because I've come to know that she is not a good person by any means. In fact, she is one of the most evil creatures I've ever encountered. It had to do with her incessant lies and total void of honesty. Everything she does is a front for her real agenda. She doesn't go to AA to stop drinking but to cover for her drunk escapades that became public. She doesn't go to church because she believes I'm God and wants His salvation. It's to cover for her great sins and continued dalliances. She talks tough on drug abuse and will admit to a relapse but the fact is she never quite just got better at hiding it. She'll jump on the family first thing but the only thing she puts first in family is that they are the first ones she'll burn. She's sure that family and unconditional live will always forgive her. But maybe she sees now that that may not be true. I know its not true on her end.

But for some reason there was someone special inside her at times that I was sure was the real her. Apparently I was way wrong. As it stands it appears that that was her greatest lie. Not one bit of it was true. But she had been building these facades for so long that she has become a matter at deceit. Maybe she even deceives herself sometimes.

So I'm stuck in this mire of rubbish that is my life and know that the most blame is hers for the easy she did things and the magnitude of the assault. Blown easy out of proportion all in an effort to preserve her evil agenda and continue to manipulate and malign to achieve her warped goals add she likes down at everyone like from a place she doesn't belong. Perched on a pedestal instead of cashed like a banshee and kept a safe distance from the human race.

Yet it always concludes with the same feelings in my gut that are hated and remorse, anger and frustration and a sad empty feeling left in me because I'm still amazed that there are people in the world that are truly sociopaths that should be locked up to keep the rest of us from having to suffer from the wrongs they commit on us. In a perfect world she would be tarred and feathered and stoned to death while Moses beats her with his stick/serpent and the angels would sing "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead". Is it Kansas yet? Where's Dorothy when you need her?