How Do I Say Good-Bye...

When You Won't Say Why...

October 5, 2014

I just don't know how I can say good-bye to someone who has been the biggest part of my life for the last year. We were together everyday for hours and ended each night in a special way. And, yes, there were some rough times and the hiding and lies made it seem worse than it should. But to end things in such a hateful way complete with a bigger lie and a ludicrous set=up just makes you look like an evil bitch or a psychotic lunatic or both! Yes there were times you seemed a bit of each but for the most part the woman I fell for was a little extreme but always genuine and caring in her way.

So how can I turn away from the person I knew who meant the world to me and made me believe I was that special to her, too. I don't want to believe she was just acting all that time. Parts of it, yes, but not always. She couldn't  have endured some of the events we went through without something there to care deeply about. And while I always suspected she had some issues of the mind I didn't see them as being that radical. But something snapped when September began anmd it snapped and stung and shredded to pieces what we had and tore the magic that made it from her heart.

And she went from loving me to hating me overnight and won't even yell me why. Won't explain how she got it in her head that I want to hurt her or her family in some terrible way. When it was her that has gotten violent and beaten me and threatened me and broke things in her anger. Yet she still does all she can to hurt me in any and every way. And all I want are answers to help me accept what's been done. Because it makes no sense how she loved me one day...and then she turned into hatred and got so out there I wonder if she will ever be sane. I only know I miss her and still cry at least once every day. It hurts so much to loose her love and hurts even more because of her love turned into evil fueled hate. How can she be so cruel as to leave me hanging this way? I won't accept that I will never have the answers I need. Nobody is that cruel and viscous. At least I never believed she could be. And until I get the answers I can't just turn away. But the answers better come soon before their absence destroys me....and it may happen in a few days. This is a lesson that didn't kill me but it didn't make me stronger either. Mostly I'm left with bitter and foul. A lousy end to anything. I just want the answer and need it soon. Or it could turn me cold and devoid of concern and ready for destruction to bring an end to the pain. I have no hope