Last Of 58...
Just a day away from the last birthday of my fifties...59 and counting. Trying to be positive but it's not working. I feel so negative because the thing I want most in life has left the building. AWOL. Not there. Checked out. Won't talk. Doesn't care. She's not there.
Enough of that. I just don't know how to turn and walk away. I know I have to. I knew I'd have to from the start. Just didn't think the time was already here. Thought there was more to the story. Something beautiful to take in my heart and hold tight to when life got rough. But I can't even get answers. Hell, I can't even ask questions. I guess I heard too much in the words that were said and missed the fact that the words weren't backed by emotions. I guess that's life. And I'm sure the magic lost it's power or Merlin got hold of some bad dust...
When the magic began it swept mw away and I could see only the beauty that was laid at my feet. I saw none of the challenges that lay ahead. I was blessed to have found something again in my life that I was sure would never come my way again. But now I'm full circle and this time I know it will not come again. As positive as I would want it I know if it did I'd only think it was the same as the last time. A temporary break from reality. I hope it's what she needed and it will be special to her somehow. Maybe the day will come when I'll see it special to me again. But right now I just feel like the fool.
So now I'm going to take XZ and go away for a while. Maybe a day maybe two maybe more maybe maybe maybe. Time to drift a while cause my arms are sore from paddling to avoid the eddy. I've traveled on this lonely course so many times before...
Now I've given it to Him to send me to the shore if that's where He wants me... Or just drift away in a sea made deep by the tears that pour from my eyes... See you on shore...
No comments:
Post a Comment