And Some Times It's All Love...
It's probably only one or two times in each of our lives when some one real special comes along and brightens our path. It's usually when we're younger and it really knocks you for a loop. The fortunate ones are those who recognize this very special person and they do all the right things in all the right ways with the result being they become life long partners. Most of us get over eager and put so much pressure on the relationship that they smother it.
I know that's what I did to my special friend 30+ years ago. I was lucky enough to have stayed in touch over the decades even though we haven't seen each other for 30 years. That reminds me I need to get an e-mail off to her soon.
And I am real fortunate to have found that wonder of wonders not too long ago but being so much later in life there are complications which prevent it from becoming the romance I wished it to be. But there is at least a friendship still happening though my desires get in the way and cause me to do stupid things which inevitably result in mini-wars!
And even though we both end up saying we're sorry and swallowing our pride resulting in the friendship continuing out of it all there is that constant desire, at least on my part, that holds me prisoner. Even though I know it could never be I still can't shake the hope deep inside of me that the greatest of miracles will take place and the story will end happy for me. I look at it from her point of view and see how much sacrifice would be taken by her. And then I feel selfish, ashamed and dismayed. Just to fulfill my dreams she would loose her's and I know I must say good-bye. It will never happen no matter how many miracles are involved. It wasn't meant to be and that breaks my heart to pieces and brings tears to my eyes. She may be perfect in all the ways I want but I was just the lucky one who brought a gift to her heart. Somehow she saw me like I wanted to be. But in fact I proved how flawed I was not living up to my own standards and growing weak and weary as the days turned to weeks and months moved to years. Never will I conquer her doubts and ride off in the sunset at my side. I'm ill prepared for that burden of love. And my years have taken tolls that I may never repay.
I still cling to that friendship because I can't let go and my desires won't let me. So after a short period of feeling like a teenager (and acting like one, too!) the friendship still lives but so do my desires. So I will continue to be friends and always hold onto a bit of that magic in my heart hoping that some day it will become the romance of romances. It's the next best thing, I suppose, to let what's in my heart create a fantasy that I wish were reality. I'm sure this will result in some future problems but for now it's my solution. It's a dream I will keep in my heart and I pray every day it will become the dream come true and bring an end to my blues.
But the real that wins out every time is that I must say good-bye to her soon if I want a chance to be free. There's nothing here mine except the memories and the dream...
And even though we both end up saying we're sorry and swallowing our pride resulting in the friendship continuing out of it all there is that constant desire, at least on my part, that holds me prisoner. Even though I know it could never be I still can't shake the hope deep inside of me that the greatest of miracles will take place and the story will end happy for me. I look at it from her point of view and see how much sacrifice would be taken by her. And then I feel selfish, ashamed and dismayed. Just to fulfill my dreams she would loose her's and I know I must say good-bye. It will never happen no matter how many miracles are involved. It wasn't meant to be and that breaks my heart to pieces and brings tears to my eyes. She may be perfect in all the ways I want but I was just the lucky one who brought a gift to her heart. Somehow she saw me like I wanted to be. But in fact I proved how flawed I was not living up to my own standards and growing weak and weary as the days turned to weeks and months moved to years. Never will I conquer her doubts and ride off in the sunset at my side. I'm ill prepared for that burden of love. And my years have taken tolls that I may never repay.
I still cling to that friendship because I can't let go and my desires won't let me. So after a short period of feeling like a teenager (and acting like one, too!) the friendship still lives but so do my desires. So I will continue to be friends and always hold onto a bit of that magic in my heart hoping that some day it will become the romance of romances. It's the next best thing, I suppose, to let what's in my heart create a fantasy that I wish were reality. I'm sure this will result in some future problems but for now it's my solution. It's a dream I will keep in my heart and I pray every day it will become the dream come true and bring an end to my blues.
But the real that wins out every time is that I must say good-bye to her soon if I want a chance to be free. There's nothing here mine except the memories and the dream...
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