Whatever It Is I Did...

I'm Sorry And IMU So Much...

September 25, 2014

I don't know what it is I did that has made you hate me and want to destroy me but whatever it is that I did or that you think that I did, I'm sorry. I truly am sorry. Because it has cost me your friendship and your love or your caring and it's way too high a price to pay. I only hope you'll stop this madness and we can work this out in some way. Because I don't want to hate you and I don't want to battle with you. The only thing I want is the truth and the reason you are acting this way. Too many things get blown way out of proportion and I believe this is a perfect example of that. For you to go from the loving, caring lady that I drove to Oregon with to the hateful, evil creature you metamorphosed  into in a matter of days is just too much for me to imagine. From a promise to make all my dreams come true with an unequaled love to a destruction determined demon ready to destroy anything and everything I have left in this world is a stark contrast that I would never believe possible if I wasn't witness to it's manifestation. I have to believe that there is something seriously wrong in you that needs help. What else could explain it. This is a little more than hot flashes and menopause rearing it's ugly head.

Well I hope that your sobriety is still the top priority in your life. And that you keep it that way. I know the few times over the past year that you saw you were struggling and tried to get clean you became a much more stable person. The real person that is you is the trying to assert herself and I think it will happen this time and all will end well some day. I'm just so sad that I'll never get to see her or be with her in any way. I miss what we had and I'll miss what it could be. Now I have to learn again how to live without your friendship never knowing what it might have become. I was blessed with a year of your life but I still wonder if the price paid was worth it. Right now I'd say no. Nothing is worth the pain when your still in it. It's after the time payments are paid that we see if it was a good investment or just money burned with little return. IMU...

`How Can It Still Hurt So Much...

When It's Just A Big Joke To Her...

September 24, 2014

 I'm still feeling the pain of my broken heart and it either makes me angry and spiteful or sad and lonely sometimes even both at the same time. And she just laughs at me and shows hate and scorn. This from a woman I spent a year with and who told me she really did love me and sent me a George Strait song, "I Cross My Heart", and told me to listen to it. The chorus is so awesome:

I cross my heart and promise to

give all i've got to give to make all your dreams come true

in all the world, you'll never find a love as true than mine

I believed you meant it when you sent it. I was sure we had finally reached a new height in our relationship. I was so ready for some smooth sailing. Things were looking up. But now I'm looking down. And I look real down.

I went from euphoria and endless hope to gloom and doom with a tear posted in the corner of my eye ready to burst at any given moment. It was less than a month ago that I looked forward to every day seeing her and every moment away thinking of her. Always a smile when we'd see each other and always a chance to get close to her. And now I can't get her out of my mind. I'm consumed with this foul taste left from the way she turned it all into a hate-fest. And brought a fat drunken dork in as her knight in shining arm pits. A man who fills his wife with pills to keeps her a slave and out of the way. An idiot who got canned for doing stupid because he was hung over ane, well, just plain stupid! A little pudgy smudge that acts like a candidate or Megan's Law list. His former neighbors called him "creepy".

And I'm quite sure he broke the window that seems to be what this all hinges on. He was seen driving by slowly 5 times even stopping for a few minutes out front of the house and sneaking back on his bicycle. But she doesn't believe it, won't even consider it. Still says it was me in her back yard wearing a black suit and swinging a white cord to break out the glass. All of this happening 24 hours after she sends me a song thant promises to make my dreams all come true...

George Strait

Our Love Is Unconditional Lyrics

"I CROSS MY HEART" by George Strait

Or love is unconditional

we knew it from the start

I see it in your eyes

you can feel it from my heart

from here on after

we'll stay the way we are right now

and share all the love and laughter

that a lifetime will allow

CHORUS:

I cross my heart

and promise to

give all i've got to give to make all your dreams come true

in all the world, you'll never find

a love as true than mine

you will always be the miracle

that makes my life complete

and as long as there's a breath in me

ill make yours just as sweet

as we look into the future

it's as far as we can see

so let's make each tomorrow

be the best that it can be

CHORUS

and if along the way

we find the day it starts to storm

you've got the promise of my love

to keep you warm

in all the world

you'll never find

a love as true as mine

a love as true as mine

/////////\\\\\\\\\\\//////////\\\\\\\\\\

I Thought By Now...

You Would Come To Your Senses...

September 24, 2014

For sure by now I thought you would have come ro your senses and at least talked to me and told me the truth. I was sure you had to have cared just a little bit about me. Now I figure I was wrong again. For you to decide that you never, ever want to see me again or talk to me or communicate in any way tells me there is something way wrong with you right now. You can't spend an entire year with someone and then suddenly want them to disappear forever. The person who you kept tabs on 24/7. Wanted them to park so you could see them at all times. Checked every call or text on their phone. Used a listening device to see if anyone was with them. And now youn hate them. Rather odd I'd say. Rather completely crazy I should say. How do you explain it? How do you understand it? It makes me want to scream...

And I remember how we were so bonded and in sync that where ever I went, where ever I was you would always show up and make things alright. Always. You would go off and then come to your senses and come find me. But you don't even look now. You avoid and mislead. You have gone against all you claimed important. And your fine with the fact that we will never even talk again for the rest of our lives. That  is so sad and makes me wonder what happened to the soul mate who believed God had a hand in our paths merging. Yeah, sleep with those angels. And bless the morning each time it grows light...

I Had A Best Friend One Time...

But She Was Just A Farce...

September 23, 2014

We used to spend so much time together. We did everything together. We'd sit and talk, work on projects, go eat, go shop, go everywhere! And it was all good. Then she flipped out, went nuts, got all crazy and started changing the facts, twisting the truth. And now I don't know her. Don't want to know the new crazy you. You are now just a hateful liar who says things that aren't true. And the evil that's inside now is destroying both me and you. And next week will be the time when I'll have to tell it all, disclose the things you want hidden. Because you have made it necessary to put it all out front and now the world will know that you are a farce and your lies will be out there for the people to see. I guess you don't care - you sure don't care for me. I wish it were different but you made it into what it is. So now I don't have a best friend but I miss her so much. But my best friend has gone for good and I'll never see her again...

She Lives A Lie While Lying Too...

And Yet Another Lie To Lie...

September 23, 2014

You used to start arguments for no reason and I bet it was to do that fat drunk. Do you know how much that hurts? That your that easy and sleazy is the part that makes me feel foolish for believing you were something so special and you only did your hubbie once on the wedding night. That you hadn't done anything for 4 years. What hogwash? Hell, Raquel has more class than that. How do you get the nerve to go out in the light of day. Maybe I'm too critical and how can I say anything because I'm guilty of conspiracy with you. Now your breaking one of your basic tenets by hurting the children. You don't really care. Only if it suits you fine.

I miss the lady that I met and got to know very well. And the lady who I see today is not her. The lady today isn't even a lady in the true sense of the word. And I do miss that lady. But she was only a facade. I was fooled and you just turn face and laugh it off. No substance to support the image. 

Yes I Could See But...

I Didn't Want To Be Right But That's What Is Left...

September 22, 2014

I saw the mood swings and personality shifts early on. Thought it was the drinking that caused it. Or the substance. Maybe pills mixed in, too. Might have been all of them that added to the real issue and made it stand out worse. But I think there are issues with a multitude of personalities that emerge throughout the day. And somehow the good one or ones are being choked out by the hater. The sociopath. The Liar that doesn't like being wrong. And it could mbe those mysterious pills or the booze hidden away. A chemical imbalance that is so severe it blocks her memory from the other personalities. And I think her family is aware but won't say it is so. And they try to monitor and protect her but she stays set in her ways. She really needs to get counselling and not in some 12 Step farce. That's the way it looks to me. They don't seem to care that she's blowing things up way out of proportion. But then no one dares question her on the inconsistencies in her stories. The obvious lies and non-truths. No sense in her claims and no way to get her to wake up and see how she's destroyed something special and made it a regret not a treasure. I feel the loss even if she feels nothing. We once felt each other even miles apart. Now that I'm right I wished I'd already left. Cause now there really is nothing left...

And What Is It That...

Makes Me Miss You But Glad I'm Not Near You...

September 22, 2014

I see this total bitch who you've become but I still seem to think that good side is still deep down inside. I just won't believe you've gone so far overboard that you would become so creepy, slimy, foul. It seems like someone's doing a mind rape on you. And your blinded by your own vanity. Must think there's some willed money that can be had for some easy work. And I believe there's a name for that. But I forgot...

To have such a bitter taste in my mouth when I think of how this went down is quite understandable. But to listen to your lies and see that vile, evil, caustic side of you and to see it stay so long. Something wrong and since you have made up so many things it's like you aren't even the same person that stood smiling so wide in the garage that October night.

Whatever. I mean, really, WHATEVER! That makes my memories of you go sour and my mood does the same.