How to loose the memory...

I just want the memory of her to go away. How can someone spend a year as close as we were and then turn on that person and lie and twist and cause someone so many problems. And refuse to talk to them or write them. And never want to see them ever again. Ever... I don't get it. A brain warped bitch. She should be locked in a cage. I just have to hate her. What choice do I have?

What a shame to cause this pain...

I am left with nothing but questions as to why anyone would treat someone the way she had me. And her legal bull shit prevents me from going in the neighborhood I've jerk in for almost 60 years. So I have to waste time going to the courts to get relief. This from someone who looked me in the eyes on a Friday and said she couldn't believe how much she loved me and the following Friday she decides to get a restraining order. And after surgery I'm the first person she calls and the only number she can remember. But she won't admit it to anyone. And it makes me hate her for the pain I still feel. And I don't want to but what else can I do? How does she live with herself?

And I'm mad at myself...

What pisses me off the most is that I can't free my thoughts of her. And that I miss her so much. It's stupid considering all that she's done to me in the last 6 months. Yet still I miss her and hope she will show up to see me. And then I want to shoot myself for being so stupid. But what about her stupidity?  It didn't have to end so ugly. It should have ended as friends, special friends that connected on a rare level. But she killed it and all the magic, too. Cross my heart...

Why? Tell mgr l me why?

There is one big problem that has me list and unable to clear my mind of her. And that is why she did all this bull shit to me including sending me to jail 3 times,  2 of the times were 30 days each. I did nothing to deserve that. Nothing. And all the lies  about me attacking her. What kind of twisted mind does that? None of it makes any sense. Yet look at the mess she made of my life. All because of what? That's all I want to know. Is that asking too much? I think not. So I guess the only way I'll get the answers is in court. And I am taking her to court. I am pressing charges and talking her to civil court. And looking at her criminal record I see she is no prize. And the evil in her eyes and the empty in her soul is more real than I ever wanted to believe.

She needs to be locked up...

How I was fooled by her lies and poison. All the bull  drama she filled my life with for over a year. And because of this fucking restraining order the drama continues. What a misplaced ego. To think that its all about her. She needs to take her immoral life and fly away. Look at her record and see she is repeating her past behavior. But this time I'm going to the DA and the judge with all off her past and exposing her for the cheap whore she is. She won't ever admit the truth so I will bring it to light. 2003 Domestic Violence with prison time for beating her own daughter. Drug convictions, violence crimes, burglary, evading arrest, etc. And she is working around children? Trying to say she relapsed for a moment and now she's all better. It's not a relapse if you never quit. The hair has the record. Test it...

Feeling Sorry For Her ...

But her evil has caused more damage than it's worth.  I'm now forced to start over and search for a job. And somehow I have to get up to my sister to help in any way necessary. I can't believe a person could be so evil and bring such burden to add to my yoke. I had found a good job and I felt 2015 was gonna be the best or better!!!
But her evilmadness has struck twice so far. This may require a silver dagger strategically placed...

I just don't get I it...

I was crushed by the ways she brought about our complete and total demise. That it would end in a hate war. That she could exude such passion towards me when we would be close and then spray toxic poison that would kill all love and dash hope. With a kind heart and a smidgen of concern it could have been that epic romance that quietly slips away from the limelight and leaves us both with fond memories and a bond between our hearts that would last for eternity.