I don't want the negative it created

I never wanted the negative that she brought upon me. At first it was all positive. But over time the insanity became overwhelming. And I don't want to be critical of her. But my God, look at her actions, her past history, her repeated behavior. Her totally uncalled for actions. Her out and out lies.

There was a time I considered her a true and rare friend. My best friend. Others saw it too. But I wasn't prepared for the multiple personalities. Wow hell no. One didn't even know the others. And none of them will acknowledge that there are others. And her family knows but hides the secret even when some new victim is getting bombarded and initiated. Subtle  hints aren't enough. Hit me with a bat for Christ's sake. Hints are when you got bad breath. Or mints.

Really know what an insane liar is...

I can say now without a shadow of doubt that I must have lost my fucking mind to have had any feelings for that wet brain dope smoker. Wow... to cause me so much trouble when the fucking truth would have ended and not even allowed most of it to happen. Wow. I didn't believe people like that even existed let alone were in my life and twisting their evil web upon me. I was I love with a total lie. A phoney of the most complete kind. I am saddened to know she has no soul. Not a drop of the love of Jesus has ever touched her. I pray that in time He will reach her but I doubt it will happen. I only know that I have forgiven her and pray she will turn to God in earnest desire before her fate becomes the burning pit of fire and she causes any one else to be ing condemned to hell. I praise God for bringing me through the valley of the shadow of death and my faith is restored as I know He loves me and I am at peace inside knowing I didn't do anything wrong. I can understand every word written in the book of Job. Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord... Amen

I look back...

I looked back at a few of her text messages and she was a nut case all along. And she is a slut. She should not be allowed to raise a child. Lack of morals is an understatement.

No use and useless

It doesn't matter now and I can't believe I ever cared for such a useless being. But I did. And she did fool me what with her constant monitoring of everything I did. The constant texts. Going to Seattle to meet her son. Going to Oregon to get beaten. Going to Safeway where she apologized and then the following night she set it up so I'd catch her in the shed and then the restraining order to hide it all. And all the while she's not trying to save her marriage only her cash cow.

And then calling me after surgery and begging me to come see her. Mine was the only number she remembered even though it was so new I didn't remember it yet. Then telling everyone I was at the hospital to harass her so she needed to get a private room to hide. All of the lies and always to make me look bad. More than anything I still had love for her. But sadly it turned to hate because she was manipulating me and still playing games. That's what her whole life has been. And she has gotten away with it time after time.

What happened to the concern...

How did it go from being so concerned about whether I was warm at night or if I was hungry or making me coffee in the morning to where you call the sheriff if you see me. How do you go from watching out your window wondering where I am every minute of the day and night and monitoring my phone constantly and texting me all the time with sweet things and nasty notes. And now it's all hate and lies. You won't even acknowledge you were ever with me in any way. And to be so hateful that you have me arrested when it was you who were aggressive and physically attacked me and it makes no sense at all.

I wake up in the night to the emptiness...

I wake up to an emptiness that chills me to the bone. A empty I had escaped from that set upon me once when I lost the house. I escaped that empty a year and a half ago when someone came into my life.  It wasn't the perfect situation but it was beginning to show promise. Until she flipped out and became such a phony liar psycho and claimed she found God. The emptiness returned. This time, however, the empty had the foul taste of anger mixed with it that made it even worse. And that anger was the result of her cruel, selfish lies. How a person could turn on another with such a complete  fabrication of the truth I can't understand. How did I let her into my heart so deep that she could rip it out so easily. I don't understand and I want her to tell me. Though now I don't think I'd believe a word she said. I know she has gone to great extremes to cover her filthy ways. Getting caught in the shed with the drunk molester scared her to death. And now she hides from the truth by tossing a veil of bull shit up to keep the truth from bringing her to her knees. And she will never fix what she broke so she continues to lie and it will be her that will be taken over by the emptiness one day when her lies catch up to her. What I hate is because it really slammed me to the ground hard. And set me back farther than I ever wanted so I struggle. Therefore my mind is consumed with her and not in any way, shape or form a pleasant way.

Please let's end this madness...

I guess it's broken so bad we will never even be friends. And we were friends first. I only know that when I lost you as my friend I lost. And by you using the legal system to avoid me you blew things way out of proportion. I finally had a good job and you made a mess of it for me. I know I have a big hole to climb out of but you keep kicking dirt on me. And you seem to forget how out of control and off the wall you got with alcohol and drugs. You were back and forth all the time.
Nevertheless, I'm tired of this insanity. You need to leave me alone and get this legal shit off my back. It is uncalled for. I have lived here almost 60 years and you for 3. And you aren't staying. So I see now what a fool I was to believe you would ever want to be with me. And I realize the same things are true with me.

Your going to do what you do and to hell with everyone else. But you better think about being the great wella you claim you are and think about Ian's safety. Laurie told me Kevin was beating her and abusing the kids. A smart wella would choose caution over her pleasure and keep him away from his drunk ass.

But you are more into playing games. You just need to wake up and smell the truth.