It's math ass-backwards...

January 31, 2014

31=13...

What a fucking month! It's been all over the map. I've had more things happen to me and gone from one extreme to the next and back and forth till I'm sea-sick. I've been happier than ever, sadder than ever, never sure what I'm feeling and feeling like never is here forever. And this is only the first month of the year. A year that proves we're in a drought as the signs of spring - blossoms on trees, my dog is shedding his winter coat, warming days, etc. - are all around. And we haven't had much rain at all.

Now I'm not a big fan of rain but we need it to hydrate the ground and fill the reservoirs. And sell by the cubic yard to points south along the course of the aqueduct. Everything looks like it will be another piss poor year. And there ain't shit we can do to change it. So there it is all condensed. Wish it were watered down...

         

January 29, 2014

Hello! Got Your Attention?...

Make sure you read this a few times and figure out who is who and who else it could be. Then decide who is talking about who and whomever...

A nude day...

January 29, 2014

A Rude Weigh...

Don't know what this is going to be about. Just thought I'd write the title and then wing it...

 A nude horse is a rude horse

 It was years ago - back in the 60's - when Alan Abel came out with his first big hoax and it involved animals and clothes or their lack there of...

You know, I can't get into this stupidity today. Something is eating me up. And it is my fault because I did something I shouldn't  have and I let myself get too involved. And when the stories became inconsistent I wouldn't believe they were lies. And I knew that alcohol was in the mix along with other things but I still wanted to believe. And the idiot I am I let myself fall for someone who wasn't really who she appeared to be. So I am a fucking idiot and it's too late to do anything about it. So I'm stuck in a game I don't play and, even if I did, nothing to win. So now there is no point in even caring and nothing to care about. My only chance is to lie to liars. But I can't. The end here is not pretty. It's the most insane thing I know. Don't be surprised at what course I take because if this plane is going to crash it will be in a heavily populated area and there will be maximum carnage. I was happy once but now I'm so burdened with anger and so tired of the lies and deception that I could use a good crash to bring sanity back in my life. Besides, its not like I have anything to loose. The only thing i had was what Code Enforcement stole from me and since I have gotten no help in that department there is nothing to look forward to. Let's make the end The End! Now that has some Rude Weight to it...

I looked in her eyes and...

January 28, 2014

I Saw Nothing Looking Back...

I just can't figure out what I was doing. I was sure that I'd found the one who I've looked for all of my life and was sure I'd never find. I felt that feeling when I held her close. I knew from our conversations that she was the one. Everything was there. Everything, I tell you. She was the one. She had to be. I'd do anything for her, to have her. Anything... But one day I looked in those eyes and I couldn't see anything looking back...

I was heart broken, stunned, dismayed, totally devastated. How could it be? I'd put forth my all. I was so open and honest it was scary. But she didn't want me. She didn't feel what I felt. Didn't even want to try. She was through. She just wanted to hurt my feelings. She would play me like a fool and laugh about it. Push buttons just because she could. Now she just plays her game and doesn't see what she does is painful. Doesn't care what or who gets destroyed in her wake. And it all means nothing to her. I was sure that she cared. How could I have been wrong? But I was. It all became clear the day I looked in her eyes and saw nothing looking back...

Too little to care and I just...

January 28, 2014

Don't Give A Shit...

There are times when you get so involved with some one or some thing so much that you wrap you entire self up in them/this and block out the rest of the world so much that you loose your self. You loose sight of so much that you forget what is really important. You know that they/this  aren't as wrapped up as much as you are. Because of a prior commitment they/these can't be wrapped up in anything but what they got.

Make me wonder...

January 23, 2014

Wonder Makes Me...

I wonder what tomorrow brings and know better it's what you make of today that matters. My today made me tired tonight. But I'm hoping the end of this day will be grand and wonderful which should make tomorrow even better than today. As long as I don't let all the doubt freak me out it will surely be better than yesterday was today. It's all of that wonder stuffed in a bag and bursting at the seems that wonder so full that it can only be wonderful...

I try and try but...

January 23, 2014

I End Up Crying...

I try so hard to keep in mind that only I want things to be the way they should be but forget it's a situation that is no-win for me. It is a win-win for her no matter the outcome. But I have this morbid desire for it to turn out the way I want. I'll never have her and she never wanted me. My heart went off the deep end and her's was never in it. She's satisfied with what it is and I can't believe anyone would want it that way. So she gets her way and I loose my way. And I've drifted toofar off course and lost my drive. So I wallow in stupidity and continue to try for the unobtainable. So now I must make my mind up that I followed a dream that is only a nightmare and accept the sad reality that she will never be anything but what she is now. All the claims of feelings were just something to say to stop the wall from going up to keep her away. Just let go and she'll drift away because her heart will never feel what it felt as I cried...

I won't play their game...

January 21, 2014

And They Won't Play Mine...

That sums it up. Games and more games. Everyone trying to control everyone else. Isn't it special? Nobody wants to be real. A bunch of sluts romping through the fringes. A bitch trying to jump up a lot past her prime. All the faces of liars and the lowest of life. All dressing pretty and chic acting like royals in their minds. But they only fool me the first few times. Then they dry up and flake off in the breeze. Nobody really gives a shit. I know I don't and I won't and I can't. 

Some days is definitely like that...

January 20, 2014

And Some Just Ain't...

There are certain days - Take yesterday, for example - when doom and gloom are everywhere and there is no escape from the proverbial infinite doom...

And it recently made another visit and like a fool I walked where I shouldn't be walking and crashed into a guard rail on a twisty downhill with a strangulation tight left at the exit on the edge of a precipice strewn with rocks. Big crash. Knarley.  Endo...

Then there's the opposite side of day one, the subsequent day two - today, as a matter of fact - when believing in love is all conquering found that it is, unfortunately. It sure bashed me hard. Boom...

It was my fault. I saw a sad side of love. And I didn't heed warnings. Believed too much and hoped it was more. The sad part is that I lost a true friend. I do know that. The most I ever wanted, the most I never got...

3 Strikes Your Out, Third Times A Charm and...

January 3, 2014

It's Three For Me...

Day 3 and there seems to be a trend in the making. It's had it's moments of teetering on the edge but all in all the new year has had 2 consecutive days on the positive side of the L

December 31, 2013

Can It Get Any Better???

Whoopee! Oh boy howdy... Wow! Could life be better than this? Nooo waaayyy... This is the pinnacle; the penultimate; the coup de gras', creme de le creme; Champion of the World;Cock-o-de-bloc; etc... Yeah...The #1 Dudei

From last year I wa being facetious as all hell and yet today the same paragraph would be even more demented. It's so insane and so fitting. Fuck this bull shit. Fuck these liars. Fuck all of their crap. Never rely on love because its not real. No one loves any one except themselves. And I will never EVER allow love to fuck my life up. And the ultimate oxymoron: Good woman! Not possible. No way no how not a chance. There all a bunch of fucking liars. Play their games and mess up every thing. Sluts. Worthless garbage. useless. FUCK OFF AND DIE!

Things are things but....

January 19, 2014

Rings Sings Brings...

I Had A Dream...

I had a dream - she was perfect - oh so perfect in my dreams - we were there. Couldn't have come any better - couldn't have been this better - but it was. Oh, my God! A dream come true. This lucky guy met you=know-who. That's right, Miss Linda Sue, the prettiest thing you'll ever do. If asked the question of your life, would Linda Sue be a wife, all through the strife and also in the best of life? Would she see that love is life and life was missing without wife? How could I spend  the rest of mine, the rest of days and lonely nights, spent silently awaiting my end of time, without her love, without life? Her feelings they so coincide, so now she is my faithful bride, she's always there just like the tide, funner then a circus ride. Now I think I'll sing my song and bid farewell, say so long...

January 18, 2014

A

It appears from my seat that I'm a victim of Time Flies! The weekend was gone in a flash and all I can see is how time flies with ever increasing speed right on by me. If I could find the swatter I'd smash a few of the buggers and stop their clocks so I could get more done...

My oh my they seem to forget...

January 18, 2014

He's Just A Kid...

When will they see that the innocence of youth should be guarded and protected from the issues that adults create and perpetuate. The child as pawn is sacrificed in the games children don't play. If you throw the child into this mess they grow up and perpetuate their own version of the game and it usually isn't a more pleasant version of the one they were drawn into. When the adult has issues that spread like a virus in a family it won't be long before the whole clan is infected and seldom has there been a tolerance developed by any that can prevent them from acquiring this disease. When one finally does succeed in conquering the viral infection you have to hope he can spread it generously because once an antibody is developed that destroys this virus then the child will be saved so that he can then play the true games of youth as the adult then shields the child from the world they live in. Adults play the game to win when the true winners are those who know better and stay on the sidelines instead of joining in.

Whatchya gonna do when the...

January 16, 2014

Bad Did Bad II

Listen to her words, fitted well with each other. Always with an out never committing her to anything.She'll lie to your face and not feel she did anything wrong. Lead you along and dump you anywhere anytime any place. Your not important unless she needs from you something. When she gets that she cuts you and never bats an eye or sheds any tears. Leaves you hanging while she heads to gamble it all away. A big shot who won't change cause she got nobody to love her. Everyone a meal ticket and another sorry to cover it. Its no use and there is no excuse. Nothing she dreams up will explain any better. Just a little lie and a little more until she gets one more dollar. Gotta have them all...

All in all I think things are improving since...

January 15, 2014

It's Been More Good Than Bad...

I think today, as things get settled in for the long run, I can see that even though there have been some challenging days the ones that have been good have been real good while the bad haven't been too bad. Now the time comes into focus and the picture gets a fresh. 

Don't dance on branches...

January 7, 2014

TIMBER! Look Out Below...

Shoulda known better than to jinx myself into a forced 180 while dancing on the limb of life but I did and now I've settled in to a certain death fall ready to hit firmly back on earth at any second. Who could have foreseen it? The blindest bat in the cave knew it was heading that way. 

The BIG prediction of the year...

January 6, 2014

A Day Away From A Week Old...

I'm going out on a big limb right now. That's right. Even knowing how quick things in my life do 180's - things can turn on the edge of a dime! - I'm going to be a real prognosticator and say that I'm so damn sure that the year will end it's first week on the positive note that has resonated through the halls and walls the last few days that I will publically say this is so. And so it gets done. Positive thinking is worth everything. 

January 4, 2014

4 Two Go...

This is day four of the New Year at hand... Not having too bad a time in the early stages I'd say. Rather pleasant for the most part, pleasant indeed!

I've hung in there even when doom and gloom set the mood and anger steered the vessel as it tossed and crashed through the churning waters. This time out I at least had a life vest on and my Super Secret Decoder Ring just in case of the worst. Preparation pays off and it all ends well and good. Whatever...

Enough of the frivolous bullshit, its...

January 4, 2014

Back To The Bastards...

It's established. 2014 is starting off on the right foot. Now its time to return to the fucking bastards at code enforcement and what they did to me and my house and how best to achieve vengeance for their vile actions. I will never stop in my pursuit of destroying two of the most disgusting excuses for human beings and the most corrupt and useless county agency there is. Paul Munoz, Barry Chamberlain and Sacramento County Code Enforcement, et al...

Oh, and we can't forget Cecilia Perez. They will either get their asses blasted by county officials and fired or I will seek my form of vengeance. And that will cost them more than their jobs... 

  

Where else would you find...

January 4, 2014

Four On The Floor...

Wake up and smell the feet in you face. Not just your own which are generally planted in your own mouth but the new two walking over you. 

One costs you money, two gets the go...

January 3, 2014

Three On The Tree...

The year is young but there is a trend being set in my personal slice of reality. 2 in a row on a positive flow. That makes it 2 out of 3 good or better days and only that wobbler on the first keeping the percentage down. I feel more positive about things today but still lack any security to comfort my soul. All in time they say, all in time...

When at first you don't succeed...

January 2, 2014

Wow! Now 2...

It was a fine way to start the new year; all ass-backwards and bunz-up! But it made the second second to none. Not to waste time with reasons or answers its the questions that reveal...

Why try so hard on a no win situation? Because I chose to. So it will be better when its supposed to be. And maybe it's not about winning or loosing but just trying to do your best. And something that was so lost is now easy to find and doesn't take as much of an effort while the rewards hold value as precious as time. Never have the stakes been so high while investment is nearly nothing and will bring everything in it's time.

But all in all the second is much better while the first was the looser. Already the year gets better and better in time...

A new what???

January 1, 2014

It's Still Nuklear, Right?

I was sure I'd wake up this morning and it would be as if I had spent the last 10 years asleep and all of my reality was a bad dream... But not a chance. It's all the same fucking stupidity and insanity. And I'm stuck in the middle of the most insane of insane's. A woman who thinks she has made some miraculous discovery and blown the cover off of the great conspiricy of the century. But it's not what she thinks. It's not what she doesn't think. The point is, it's not anything! And why do I care? Why do I try? What difference is it anyway? Love... The most insane emotion ever forced upon humanity. The excuse used too often and the lie told over and over again. It's the only way I can explain any of it. But it's all I can see. The reason I still try and stay is I must be in love. Not just saying the words but feeling the same. Well I don't fucking like it. I am not willing to participate in a dead end game where I never even survive, let alone win. I don't want anything more than to walk away with my heart still beating and not shattered to pieces and bruised and hardened and unable to open up when it needs to and guard itself when that need is there. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve. Didn't understand that it made me vulnerable and at risk. I'm learning now that you must keep your emotions in check and guarded from view. Open and honest gets you nothing but problems, heartache, despair and anger. So this new year I'll try something new. I don't give a fuck about any one or any thing other than me. Wish it were different. Believe me I do. But love is just a poison that kills over time and I'm not willing to die for it. I'd rather die from a drunk driver or from my own careless behavior than to be tortured by love and twisted into knots because it just ain't me. So there you have it - YOU know who I mean! - Keep dreaming up shit where there is none. Causing problems that aren't there. I'm done trying, done caring, done with it all. I'm taking care of me. If it has no benefit to me don't expect me to give a fuck. Because I don't, I won't and never will. You had my heart which I willingly gave you. You had it all. But you wanted to rip it out of my chest and bounce it on rocks and shit. I won't ever let that happen again. Not a chance in hell. So Happy Fucking New Year! Just don't look for love, there ain't any here. Never could be, never was, never will be. Year after year...