Honest Feelings...

Not much good inside me today. Trying to be positive and believe that a miracle is possible. But I have so much anger broiling inside. Despair rules my feelings right now. I have no dreams. No ambitions. No hope. And I want hope. I'm not ready for my life to end. But I feel it getting near now. And it will be painful. And I'm scared...

Merry Christmas...

Only a few hours until Christmas. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook but as my life continues to crumble and after having a year of it stolen from me I'm left with a mess to deal with to clear it up and now I find out that I have lung cancer. I have a large mass in my right lung partially blocking my air path and there's a danger of my lung collapsing. I now know the sharp pain I have in my back between my shoulder blades is the mass attached to my lung. I guess there are things they can do but I haven't felt much positive from the doctors. My dad and my oldest sister had part of their lungs removed. Most likely that's gonna be my future. Well, Merry Christmas and hope I get to the New Year...