I look back...

I looked back at a few of her text messages and she was a nut case all along. And she is a slut. She should not be allowed to raise a child. Lack of morals is an understatement.

No use and useless

It doesn't matter now and I can't believe I ever cared for such a useless being. But I did. And she did fool me what with her constant monitoring of everything I did. The constant texts. Going to Seattle to meet her son. Going to Oregon to get beaten. Going to Safeway where she apologized and then the following night she set it up so I'd catch her in the shed and then the restraining order to hide it all. And all the while she's not trying to save her marriage only her cash cow.

And then calling me after surgery and begging me to come see her. Mine was the only number she remembered even though it was so new I didn't remember it yet. Then telling everyone I was at the hospital to harass her so she needed to get a private room to hide. All of the lies and always to make me look bad. More than anything I still had love for her. But sadly it turned to hate because she was manipulating me and still playing games. That's what her whole life has been. And she has gotten away with it time after time.

What happened to the concern...

How did it go from being so concerned about whether I was warm at night or if I was hungry or making me coffee in the morning to where you call the sheriff if you see me. How do you go from watching out your window wondering where I am every minute of the day and night and monitoring my phone constantly and texting me all the time with sweet things and nasty notes. And now it's all hate and lies. You won't even acknowledge you were ever with me in any way. And to be so hateful that you have me arrested when it was you who were aggressive and physically attacked me and it makes no sense at all.

I wake up in the night to the emptiness...

I wake up to an emptiness that chills me to the bone. A empty I had escaped from that set upon me once when I lost the house. I escaped that empty a year and a half ago when someone came into my life.  It wasn't the perfect situation but it was beginning to show promise. Until she flipped out and became such a phony liar psycho and claimed she found God. The emptiness returned. This time, however, the empty had the foul taste of anger mixed with it that made it even worse. And that anger was the result of her cruel, selfish lies. How a person could turn on another with such a complete  fabrication of the truth I can't understand. How did I let her into my heart so deep that she could rip it out so easily. I don't understand and I want her to tell me. Though now I don't think I'd believe a word she said. I know she has gone to great extremes to cover her filthy ways. Getting caught in the shed with the drunk molester scared her to death. And now she hides from the truth by tossing a veil of bull shit up to keep the truth from bringing her to her knees. And she will never fix what she broke so she continues to lie and it will be her that will be taken over by the emptiness one day when her lies catch up to her. What I hate is because it really slammed me to the ground hard. And set me back farther than I ever wanted so I struggle. Therefore my mind is consumed with her and not in any way, shape or form a pleasant way.

Please let's end this madness...

I guess it's broken so bad we will never even be friends. And we were friends first. I only know that when I lost you as my friend I lost. And by you using the legal system to avoid me you blew things way out of proportion. I finally had a good job and you made a mess of it for me. I know I have a big hole to climb out of but you keep kicking dirt on me. And you seem to forget how out of control and off the wall you got with alcohol and drugs. You were back and forth all the time.
Nevertheless, I'm tired of this insanity. You need to leave me alone and get this legal shit off my back. It is uncalled for. I have lived here almost 60 years and you for 3. And you aren't staying. So I see now what a fool I was to believe you would ever want to be with me. And I realize the same things are true with me.

Your going to do what you do and to hell with everyone else. But you better think about being the great wella you claim you are and think about Ian's safety. Laurie told me Kevin was beating her and abusing the kids. A smart wella would choose caution over her pleasure and keep him away from his drunk ass.

But you are more into playing games. You just need to wake up and smell the truth. 

Im sorry I m fell so hard...

I just read our conversations in Hang out and I see
we really did argue a lot. And usually because of misunderstandings. But the way you ended it was foul...And to make me a criminal and

It must be made right...

Without closure there can be no end. Too many questions and not enough truth. So many hateful actions mixed with "I found God", one counters the other. Using the legal system to avoid telling the truth and mask the evil you were caught doing....And continue to do.

It hurts to see you haven't changed one bit, that you continue to lie and put your grandson at risk not too mention exposing him to your sinful nature and involving him as an  accomplice. And none of the drama would be necessary if you just told the truth. Your to blame and all of your bad will come back to haunt you.

The problem I have with it is your lies and evil have affected my life in so negative a way. And I'm burdened d with dealing with the anger it develops in me. And at some point I will say I've had enough and I will end if once and for all. I assure you it will be ugly. And we will all pay the price, no one will win...

I don't know why I ever even looked at her...

Sad but I still have her on my mind...

I can't seem to free myself of the thought of her. Something still holds on to her even though I know her last stunt proved l how evil she is. I just need her to tell me the truth. But she hasn't told anyone the truth for a long time. Maybe the Sunshine State will flush the poison from her and she may come to see what damage she has done to others as well as her self. Her drunk Chester needs to stop his antics as well. He better check inside his vehicle ever time he gets in.....I smell skunk!

It's hard not to hate her...

It's difficult to not hate her when she continues to have such s profound effect on my life. I need to get ready for work and drop Xz at Julie s but I know she'll call the sheriff. And her molester boy friend had been following me the post free days and I will go off on the little bastard.
How she lives with her self its a mystery to me. I hope she gets struck by lightning in the storm coming out way.

Don't let anger win...

I have asked the Lord to remove the anger over and over but it still lingers. I know she took extreme measures to get her life Bach on track and that's great. But to do what she did at my expense and the way she did it was foul. I wasn't a threat to her or her family and she knows it. She made me an enemy full of hatseee because I caught her with a child molester and the husband of her do called friend fucking in her shed. Her guilty conscience created her fear. And her lies got her the restraining order that she has used and abused to no end. But her stunt on the first day of the year just shows how truly evil she really is. And her child molester boy friend following me proves she's a slut. And the phony I found God bullshit makes me puke.
There was no reason to do the things she did the way she did them. The truth would have done it all. The lies just created the mess.
So now she has lost a friend and she has someone who hates her. Kind of stupid I think. And she will have to live in great fear now wondering if I will get even of not. And since she won't know when that will happen...
I wish I had never met her. And I hope all her lies come down upon her and destroy her and make her life as worthless as she really is.

Please God... take my anger !

I don't really care now about the why 's , what's and lies or if it was or still is the substance that caused the delusionall behavior.  I've prayed and asked to remove this anger that consumes me so I can focus on my needs and get on with my life.  But it keeps getting thrown back on me and taking me the wrong way as I barely hang on. I had a really good idea that had all the pieces there ready to be assembLed.  It was a recipe for success for everyone. But look how the addition of fruitcake and one big nut spoiled everybody's party.  She belongs in a mental ward. All 3, 4 or 5 of her. It's all so insane.